Why I love Amazon.com.

In this post: Black Friday insanity.

Now that we’ve finished scraping the crud off last night’s dishes it’s time to acknowledge the REAL purpose of Thanksgiving weekend.

Hold a good thought for my favorite toilet.

It’s Black Friday, and so I wouldn’t feel deprived on retail’s holy of holies I ordered myself a set of Perfect Tortilla Pans (see below) from Bed Bath and Beyond, after which I ate a cute little lunch, almost took a nap and finished up some new features for the Howdygram. At the moment I’m waiting for Sam to get home from work but don’t actually expect him until after 6 because he promised to stop at Lowe’s to buy repair parts for my favorite toilet. Don’t ask.

With my new Perfect Tortilla Pans I’ll be able to take healthy low-carb tortillas and bake them into bowls! LIKE MAGIC! I’m not exactly sure what I’ll do with them, but the possibilities are only limited by my imagination. I could make gigantic tacos, create party hats or even use one as an edible storage container for car keys. Holy crap! Stay tuned!

Regarding the new features for the Howdygram, be sure to check out the links at the top of the right column ... especially Shop For My Favorite Crapola. I spent several days working on this page so please show appropriate appreciation. Thank you.

And finally, I downloaded another boatload of (mostly) free fonts this week and thought I’d share them now for your possible interest. I bought Skindeep and Rivenshield from Blambot.com because they’re having a 50% off sale and I can’t pass up a bargain.

Thank you for reading this.

Seriously, this is why I shop online.

Happy Black Friday, the official kickoff of the Christmas season, when happy shoppers nationwide — many apparently carrying explosives and concealed weapons in case the store runs out of Barbies — assault each other with pepper spray, maul other shoppers who had the nerve to show up first, trample each other in line and, finally, rob each other at gunpoint in the parking lot if you manage to snag the laptop somebody else wanted.

Black Friday has to be the most appalling day EVER to consider walking into a retail establishment. This year our local lunatics started camping out in front of Mesquite’s big box stores 48 hours before Thanksgiving. Sorry kids, no turkey this year because mommy wants a cheap Android. Here’s a video clip of a near-riot in the Mesquite Wal-Mart shortly before midnight this morning, which captures a group of eager Christians preparing to celebrate the birth of Christ. (Oy.)



Sam is at the office today. He’s all alone and working first shift, something he volunteered to do in order to take a full week off starting January 2, which is a wonderful time to have a vacation after the crazy holidays are finished, as depicted above. We have no firm plans yet, although a trip to the Choctaw Casino is always at the top of our list providing we don’t have an ice storm.

And now for a burning question ... do you have a lot of leftovers from yesterday? We’ve got plenty, and I even made Sam a “Thanksgiving sandwich” to take with him to work today, which consisted of turkey, mayo, stuffing and cranberry sauce between two big slices of homemade Italian country bread.

I strongly recommend this sandwich as a wise use of leftovers, although it’s a little too much for yours truly because I’m what you’d call “dentally challenged.”

I suppose no post would be complete with a Club Meds update, right? My newest medication, Gemfibrozil, lists some interesting potential side effects, the two most common being gastrointestinal distress and fatigue. I’ve been having both for the last several days, but I guess I should be grateful I’m not also experiencing nausea, jaundice, vertigo, dark urine, atrial fibrillation or acute appendicitis. Holy crap, this is like a horror movie in a pill.

Please send me some sugar-free lemon jello. Thank you for reading this.

Electronic sandwiches, coming soon.

Still recovering from our Thanksgiving food fest, about an hour ago I was browsing around online looking at Black Friday specials when I discovered something on Overstock.com that I’ve been wanting for a long time: AN ELECTRIC PANINI GRILL. For the last couple of years most of the panini grills I’ve seen were either way overpriced (I’m not spending a hundred bucks to toast a stupid sandwich) or got crappy user reviews, but this one’s a real peach. According to its birth certificate the product’s full name is the Breville BSG520XL Duo Heavy-Duty Nonstick Panini Press Grill and Overstock has it on sale for only $31.99 ... with NO SALES TAX and FREE SHIPPING. Williams-Sonoma sells the same panini press for $89.95; Amazon’s best price is $59.95.

Within the next seven days I’ll be able to turn everything in the fridge into a gourmet grilled sandwich, such as leftover egg foo young with cheese and optional pickles. (Okay, maybe not.) Incidentally, I want to surprise Sam with this, so please don’t mention anything.

Please feel free to share any interesting panini sandwich recipes either by posting a comment or sending me an email. A speedy response would be appreciated so I can shop for ingredients. Thank you.

Adventures in retailing.

For those of you still waiting for an update, our new Wal-Mart bedding set arrived on Saturday (four days ahead of schedule) and it’s BEAUTIFUL. There’s only one snag: it looks like someone stuffed the comforter into a duffle bag and drove it around in the trunk of a hot car for six months. It’s absolutely CRUSHED, and I just spent two solid days trying to figure out how to get rid of the wrinkles. My first brainstorm was to shove it in our clothes dryer with a couple of damp kitchen towels, but it didn’t take long to convince me this was stupid because the comforter is just way too big. (We tried.) Then I suggested why don’t we drive it over to the laundromat on Town East Boulevard and try the same thing in a commercial dryer. The look on Sam’s face said it all: NOT ON YOUR LIFE, KIDDO. Plus, there’d be no way to get it home without wrinkling the damn thing all over again.

So today I solved the problem! I just ordered a Conair professional-quality fabric steamer from HSN.com. Visualize a canister vacuum with a base unit on wheels and a long hose with a flat steamer head. It can be used in any position (i.e., a comforter that’s on a bed) and it was on sale today for $49.95 with free shipping and no sales tax. Steaming things is always entertaining and won’t annoy Sam, so I figured this is the perfect solution and worth a shot. Plus the Conair steamer has a whole long list of five-star customer reviews. Here it is posing for a photo earlier today on HSN’s website.

In other retail news, there was a cute article on MSNBC.com yesterday listing this year’s top 10 worst children’s Christmas toys. My three favorites include: 1) My Cleaning Trolley (cleverly labeled “for girls only” on the package), that will encourage your daughters and granddaughters to choose housekeeping or maid service as a valuable career option; 2) the Harry Potter Vibrating Broomstick, because it’s never too early to introduce your kids to buzzing sex toys; and 3) the TSA Security Set, designed to teach your children how to fondle, grope and humiliate unsuspecting airport travelers.

Here’s wishing y’all a happy Thanksgiving and a Black Friday filled with excellent bargains. Thank you for reading this.