Impress your friends and relatives! Thrill your rabbi!

I’m baking a glorious loaf of homemade low-carb bread as I write this post. Okay, maybe not totally homemade. It’s in my bread machine. But it’s still glorious, it’s still low-carb and it’s definitely still a loaf of bread. And it’s ALL MINE, which is the best part. I’m going to enjoy it tonight with a wad of havarti cheese, two half-sour pickles and a lovely pot of Five-Minute Stupid Soup. Anybody who wants to come over for dinner should send an email within the next 40 minutes. Thank you.

Impress your friends and relatives! Thrill your rabbi! For those of you with certified kosher sneakers I’m pleased to post the following new Star of David lacing technique courtesy of Ian’s Shoelace Website. Click here for Ian’s complete step-by-step instructions so you can make your casual footwear as religiously observant as possible. Thank you and shalom.

This has been a mighty productive day for online shopping at Howdygram headquarters. Today’s purchases included all of the following: 1) a box of 100 insulin pen needles; 2) 12 rolls of Brawny paper towels; 3) Fleischmann’s quick-rise bread machine yeast; 4) two big squeezy bottles of Dial NutriSkin Grapeseed Oil and Lemongrass body wash; 5) Mexican Velveeta; and 6) that’s it. Item 1 was purchased from American Diabetes Wholesale; the rest are from Wal-Mart. I think it’s amazing that a person can buy Velveeta online, don’t you?

I should be doing laundry right now. I’m just saying.

While I’m nearly positive that nobody gives a crap about this except possibly Sam and me, I just found out that one of our favorite restaurants — the Blue Mesa Grill in Addison — is moving to a new location at the end of July! Blue Mesa has an unforgettable Sunday brunch buffet featuring all-you-can-eat guacamole, baby flans, sweet potato chips, “street tacos” and an outrageously-attentive waiter named Al who knows what you want even before you ask for it. We love Al. The map below indicates: A) the current location of Blue Mesa at Village on the Parkway; and B) their future address on Montfort Drive, which is actually across the street.

Here’s hoping y’all have a pleasant evening. I’m going to watch a couple of old movies and eat things now.