The Dallas Cowboys should get sued for firing an employee who’s nine months pregnant.

As I sit here listening to a load of robes and underwear dancing in the dryer I’m reminded that I have a very nice life. This consists mostly of excellent old movies, Five-Minute Stupid Soup, frequent naps and the best husband on earth. (Not necessarily in that order.)

I’m at a loss to understand this. After no measurable precipitation in drought-stricken north Texas for MONTHS, half an hour after it started raining today we already had dire FLASH FLOOD WARNINGS all over the Internet and TV. The National Weather Service posted the following notice IN ALL CAPS on Weather.com: “FLASH FLOOD WARNING CONTINUES FOR ALL COUNTIES IN NORTH CENTRAL TEXAS. RAINFALL TOTALS OF 2 TO 4 INCHES WITH HIGHER AMOUNTS POSSIBLE. WIDESPREAD HEAVY RAINFALL TONIGHT AND WEDNESDAY WILL RESULT IN EXCESSIVE RUNOFF, LEADING TO FLOODED CREEKS, STREAMS, PONDS, DRY CREEK BEDS AND LOW WATER CROSSINGS.”

The pink asterisk on the map above denotes Howdygram headquarters. Don’t bother zooming in because I’m in the house waiting for Sam to float home from work.

I just read an article on MyHealthNewsDaily.com that drinking diet soda apparently is linked to DEPRESSION. The report is somewhat suspect, however, since researchers also revealed that diet drinks don’t actually cause depression and their findings can’t provide any substantiation for this claim whatsoever. The following is a direct quote: “They looked at more than 263,900 U.S. adults ages 50 to 71 who answered questions about their beverage consumption between the years 1995 and 1996. About 10 years later (from 2004 to 2006), the same people were asked if a doctor had diagnosed them with depression since the year 2000. People who regularly drank four or more cans of any type of soda a day were 30 percent more likely to have received a diagnosis of depression than people who did not drink soda.”

This is the dumbest pile of horseshit I’ve ever read. I’d be willing to bet 30% of EVERYBODY in the 50 to 71 age group could be diagnosed with depression at some point, considering they’re all getting old, suffering through menopause or erectile dysfunction, their parents are dying and nobody can zip last year’s jeans. Holy crap, does somebody really earn money for research like this? Why not assume that U.S. adults using underarm deodorant or driving four-door sedans in 1995 would be depressed 10 years later?

Our final thought comes from the world of sports, where Dallas Cowboys defensive coordinator Rob Ryan got sacked today after his second consecutive crappy season. Personally, I think the Cowboys management should get sued for firing an employee who’s nine months pregnant.

Sam just got home, so it’s time to eat snacks and hang out in the family room for a couple of hours. Thank you for reading this.