Gary Player, naked.

It’s 4:30 a.m. and I’ve got two important things to share in the middle of the night. First, a royal heir is about to spring forth from the gilded uterus of the Duchess of Cambridge, and second, I totally forgot to include the following gem in last night’s Howdygram post after the paragraph about golf. This is a photo of legendary golfer Gary Player posing naked for ESPN.

I should also mention that I’m not feeling well again. Actually, still. It’s that low body temperature horseshit (a form of diabetic neuropathy), with symptoms that feel like you’re running a high fever with body aches, joint pain, chills and an overwhelming craving for lemon jello and a new box of crayons. And if hypothermia isn’t bad enough, I’ve developed yet another neuropathy symptom: a constant and immediate urge to pee. (Even though Sam will probably freak out when he reads this paragraph, it should be common knowledge by now that TMI is the hallmark of every responsible blogger. Deal with it.) Therefore, I wake up three or four times every night for mostly-unproductive trips to the bathroom, and during the day I can barely get down the hall fast enough ... and that’s NOT an easy thing to do with a cane when you’re already shlepping like Quasimoto from the pain of plantar fasciitis and arthritic knees. Sometimes, when I’m really feeling miserable, like this morning, I start crying en route, which technically makes it even WORSE. If that’s possible. Holy crap, right?

In case you were wondering about those new orthopedic shoes for diabetics that I just bought from FootSmart ... they came a couple of days ago and feel like PUFFY FLUFFY CLOUDS! I’ve had very large, very sensitive, hard-to-fit feet my entire life, and these are the first shoes I’ve ever owned that didn’t start out feeling like crap.

They’re very deep, very soft and very padded, and right now this creaky old kvetch is a very happy senior citizen. I should make an effort to leave the house once in a while so I can try them out in public. Maybe today if Sam’s interested. Stay tuned.