High-speed sausages for the Fourth of July.

Okay, so here’s what’s going on at Howdygram headquarters this afternoon. First, I just ordered four gigantic jars of Ragu from Amazon. They’re all for Sam. I only eat Bella Vita low-carb pasta sauce from Netrition.com because I have diabetes. (If that’s too much information, live with it.) I also ordered Sam a nice Remington Titanium battery-powered razor because the expensive rechargeable Norelco we bought a few months ago fell apart. In case you’re interested, the Remington — posing below with the Ragu — only costs $9.99 and has 135 four- and five-star user reviews. I bought this as a surprise for Sam so please don’t blab about it, okay?

My big news: OUR SAUSAGES ARE ON THE WAY! I just got an email from FoodyDirect that the crate of barbecued jalapeño sausages I ordered from Kreuz Market will be here tomorrow packed in dry ice. These babies are YUMMO. Kreuz Market’s jalapeño sausage is the highest-rated sausage in Texas and the price is pretty damn good when you buy from FoodyDirect ... especially if you use the Howdygram’s 15% off discount (check out the right sidebar for details).

We plan to eat our sausages on Thursday with some nice Schwan’s onion rings. Sort of our own private Independence Day celebration.

Oh swell. All of a sudden I’m really hungry. Pass the napkins.