I’m cured. I hate rice!

People, I had an epiphany tonight. Because I’ve had no appetite for the last few days and still hadn’t eaten my first meal today by 6 p.m., I decided to order a sack of extra spicy crapola from China City and — just for the decadent hell of it — a pint of white rice. This was a very large deal, as I haven’t eaten white rice in more than THREE YEARS because it’s a diabetic’s worst nightmare (useless carbs) with no nutritional benefits whatsoever. So China City delivers my sack of crapola and I dump half a pint of white rice onto my plate with a nice scoop of Hunan Shrimp. And you know what? THE RICE WAS TERRIBLE. It tasted like a mouthful of mucilage and I couldn’t even swallow it.

I’m cured. I hate rice! This is really huge.

And now for a news tidbit from our Why Is It Always Texas department. It seems that Georgie Porgie Zimmerman, a frightened fugitive on the run from a nation of vigilantes who don’t understand him, was stopped for speeding a couple of days ago in the town of Forney, Texas, which is maybe 10 minutes east of Howdygram headquarters.

At the time of the traffic stop Zimmerman was wearing a holster strapped to his body with a revolver, which the officer asked him to remove and keep in his glove compartment. We all know how well George follows instructions from the police, right?

According to the dashcam video, when the officer wanted to know where he was headed, Zimmerman replied “nowhere in particular.” “Nowhere in particular, why is that?” the officer asked. So Zimmerman says, “You didn’t see my name on the driver’s license?” I’m amazed the cop didn’t ask for an autograph. GO HOME, GEORGE.

I think I’ll take a nice hot shower now and wait for Sam to get home from work so I can show him a really hilarious movie I watched earlier today. It’s called Peach O’Reno (1931) starring Bert Wheeler and Robert Woolsey as a pair of shady Reno divorce lawyers who turn their law office into a casino after dark. The whole movie mostly looks and sounds like a gigantic vaudeville routine, but the courtroom scene at the end is beyond belief, right down to Wheeler in drag trying to hide from angry clients, a ballpark peanut hawker in the jury box and the judge cracking walnuts with his gavel. Sam will LOVE this silly thing. It’s the most fun you can have on film that doesn’t include Curly, Moe and Larry.

Thank you for reading this.