The only real “plus” on Detroit’s pitiful balance sheet seems to be Howdy Doody.

I apologize for not writing a Howdygram post yesterday, but I’ve had a couple of tumultuous days, emotionally-speaking, and there are several valid and compelling reasons for this statement, as itemized below:

VALID REASON #1: VEHICLES. Since we really only have one driver in the family now because I have mobility issues and never go anywhere by myself, on Tuesday Sam and I figured out that we no longer need two cars and decided to get rid of our 2001 Saturn. This is our first experience with those “we buy any car for cash” outfits, but there aren’t too many options right now since the battery’s dead and we need somebody to come over and drag the Saturn out of our garage. In addition, the A/C is inoperable and can’t be repaired (the parts are no longer available) and it needs a wheel alignment, several gallons of power steering fluid and five or six tires. Okay, maybe just four tires. The cup holders, however, are still good as new. The car buyer dude will be here tomorrow morning at 10:30 with a tow truck, a fistful of money and a sense of humor.

VALID REASON #2: APPENDAGES. The little toe on my left foot looks shitty. If you have diabetes like moi, a shitty toe can make a person lose a lot of sleep.

VALID REASON #3: VERMIN. When our maid was here yesterday she found a tiny dead snake under the table in our foyer. That’s right — A SNAKE. Thank God she had no problem throwing it in the garbage because I almost had a HEART ATTACK and will probably have nightmares about this for the rest of my life. Holy crap.

Late breaking news from CNN.com ... the entire city of Detroit filed for bankruptcy today with $18 billion of debt and mountains of urbay decay, unemployment and crime. As a matter of fact, the only real “plus” on Detroit’s pitiful balance sheet seems to be Howdy Doody, the original marionette puppet from the insanely weird but popular 1950s children’s TV show. Apparently Howdy Doody is owned by the Detroit Institute of Art and could bring up to $500,000 at auction.

I don’t know about you, but I find it frightening that this freckled goon could be the face of Detroit’s salvation. I’d be much happier if it was Soupy Sales instead, whose “Lunch with Soupy” show was broadcast from Detroit throughout the 1950s and included a lot of pie-throwing and hilarious Catskill-era Jewish comedy — i.e., the Adventures of Philo Kvetch, private eye — plus some of the best puppet critters EVER.

And now I think I’ll bake a nice loaf of low-carb bread and park myself in front of the TV with some American cheese and green olives. Yesterday I recorded a couple of cute Tony Randall comedies — The Mating Game (1959) with Debbie Reynolds and Our Man in Marrakesh (1966) with Herbert Lom and Terry-Thomas — and the new season of “Project Runway” premiers tonight on Lifetime. I’m always a a sucker for fresh bread and “Project Runway.”

Thank you for reading this.