Buy your prescription eyeglasses at a real optical store run by full-time people who actually give a crap.

I’ve got a late-breaking news flash from Club Meds here at Howdygram headquarters: I HATE STATIN DRUGS. Actually, it’s possible that “hate” isn’t a strong enough word, so let’s also throw in LOATHE, DESPISE, DETEST and ABHOR. Everybody should invest in a thesaurus.

Some of you may recall that I stopped taking Lipitor (actually, the generic Atorvastatin) in February for high cholesterol when the side effects attempted to murder me. (See previous post.) When my routine lab results a couple of weeks ago indicated that my cholesterol and triglycerides were creeping higher, Dr. M put me back on a different statin (Pravastatin, pictured here) at a lower dose. Sadly — just like the last time with Lipitor — I immediately descended into a nightmare of side effects that included: 1) severe muscle and joint pain in my legs; 2) pain and weakness in my arms and lower back; 3) difficulty standing or walking for more than a couple of minutes; 4) dizziness; 5) nausea; 6) difficulty breathing; and 6) chills. I sent Dr. M an email a couple of minutes ago to let her know that Pravastatin is destroying my life and I officially stopped taking it yesterday when I tossed Tuesday’s pill into the kitchen garbage. And you know what? I ALREADY FEEL WONDERFUL TODAY. I just stripped the sheets off our bed and threw them in the laundry, something I never could have done two days ago, and I’ve just decided to bake myself a low-carb cheesecake this afternoon. Maybe low-carb brownies, too! Glorioski!

Here’s a follow-up to my post from a couple of weeks ago about my new progressive trifocals from Costco. I was positive something was wrong with my glasses because I couldn’t read anything smaller than 12-point type, and I was right. Sam had an eye exam this morning and took my new glasses along so Dr. Field could check them against my prescription, and sure enough ... she said Costco screwed up!

Bottom line: although I love Costco as much as the next guy for cheap bagels, giant cans of tuna and toilet paper, we all might be better off buying prescription eyeglasses at a real optical store. You know, run by full-time people who actually give a crap and know what they’re doing. I’m just saying.

I’ve got a really adorable YouTube video for you. Entertainer Christina Bianco takes a hit song from the 1980s — Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart” — and sings it as 18 different divas, from Adele to Julie Andrews to Barbra Streisand to Celine Dion to Britney Spears. And she really NAILS it. I especially love her imitations of Cher and Bernadette Peters. Enjoy!

And finally, please click the link below as soon as possible and add your name to this petition to protect Social Security from the Republican thugs in Congress. Speaking as a senior citizen with lousy knees who will begin receiving Social Security checks in less than 90 days, thank you a million times.

Have yourself a really swell day, okay?