Why I hate the Super Bowl.

Although professional football is occasionally okay entertainment I’ve never really been a big fan of post-season games, and last night I was so annoyed I couldn’t even get through the preliminary festivities without switching to TCM to watch The Music Man.

I hate the Super Bowl because:  

• Despite the hype, commercials are NOT the best part of the show. This is why God invented mute buttons.
• The NFL wants you to believe this meaningless, over-priced sporting event deserves more respect than the Olympic games and trumps the discovery of penicillin.
• They refer to their squads of half-naked pole dancers as cheerleaders.
• There’s more tradition, flag-waving and ceremonial bullshit than a West Point graduation.
• I don’t care which team of addled egomaniacs wins.

Want more?

• Jennifer Hudson showed up for the pre-game festivities in stiletto heels and a skirt so tight she couldn’t step onto the platform to sing her typically tortured version of “America the Beautiful” ... with a backup chorus from Sandy Hook elementary school, no less. Holy mother of crap.
• Alicia Keys presented the worst rendition of the national anthem I’ve ever heard. It was so damn s-l-o-w I had to check my pulse to make sure I was still breathing. To me, her performance was reminiscent of closing time in a cocktail lounge when everybody’s hammered and face-down on the piano bar. 

Alicia is in good company, however, as I’m pleased to include two other miserable versions of the national anthem from past football events. The first is a now-extinct pop singer named Kat DeLuna who’s convinced that she’s nailing it, and the second is Christina Aguilera, who can’t find her pitch or remember the words.

This was the second morning in a row that I woke up with low blood sugar. VERY low. Yesterday it was 57, today 54. I’m not sure why this happens but it’s always enjoyable to stuff myself with snacks until I feel better. At the moment, however, I’m thinking I might go back to bed for a while because I’ll feel like crap if I don’t get a little more sleep. Thank you for reading this.