Rick “Einstein” Perry wants to run for president again. Haven’t we been embarrassed enough?

To demonstrate to you what kind of strangely un-Jewish city this can be, the Dallas Morning News’ restaurant critic today named The Best Dish in Dallas 2012: SAUSAGE-STUFFED SUCKLING PIG from Private Social Restaurant. (Yes, that’s really the name of the restaurant.) She writes: “Chef Tiffany Derry went all-out on this one, stuffing incredibly flavorful suckling pig with house-made sausage and garnishing it with strands of fried pig’s ear.” Sure doesn’t sound very Hanukkah-friendly, does it?

The South shall rise again, people. Maybe sooner than you think. And I have this on very good authority, because Governor Rick “Einstein” Perry is making noise about attempting another presidential campaign in 2016. Oy, haven’t we been embarrassed enough yet?

While Texas’ House Speaker Joe Straus has traveled around the state insisting that lawmakers start tackling the essentials — public education, college accessiblity, water for cities and agriculture, roads and infrastructure — Perry clings instead to a rigid platform that holds down spending on necessities to promote his own extreme, right-wing agenda: A shitload of guns for everybody (including college campuses and school classrooms), private school vouchers, massive outdoor Christian prayer meetings and increasingly severe restrictions on women’s reproductive rights and access to health care. Tanene Allison, spokeswoman for the state Democratic Party, said Perry’s priorities are aimed at a narrow constituency and do nothing for a growing state and the needs of its people. Yup, that’s our Einstein. Governor Corndog claims to have national political ambitions — “America deserves a God-fearing Christian patriot in the White House!” — but also thinks Texas should secede from the United States. Welcome to Bubba’s School of Politics.

Personally, I think the most pressing need for this constituent is MORE FONTS. Below are the latest acquisitions here at Howdygram headquarters:

And now I’d like to highlight five celebrities who died in 2012. Pictured below are: 1) actor Larry Hagman, 81, and his eyebrows of distinction; 2) the Reverend Sun Myung Moon, 92, self-proclaimed messiah of the Unification Church, who died on June 25 but has not successfully risen from the grave as of this writing; 3) actor and TV host Gary Collins, 74, who died with no lips; 4) character actor Harry Carey, Jr., 91 (I seriously thought he was already dead); and 5) N. Joseph Woodland, age 91, co-inventor of the bar code.

It’s 11:15 p.m. here, and before I sign off for the night I think I should mention that FedEx just left a package on our front doorstep. I’m speechless. I knew I was expecting a delivery today, but when it hadn’t arrived by 7 I figured I’d have to wait until Monday. Wrong! A nice big carton of freeze-dried whatnots from Thrive is waiting for me in the kitchen!

I just realized something. Maybe Sam and I can go out for breakfast in the morning! I’m thinking about The Steak Angus in downtown Mesquite because they have a buffet and we love all-you-can-eat scrambled eggs. Thank you for reading this.