I love canned crap.

It’s just past 7 p.m. and time once again for the ultimate senior citizen condundrum: I can’t decide what the hell to make for dinner tonight. Therefore I think I’ll go gourmet with a sack of zero-carb pork rinds and some nice onion dip. If I’m still hungry afterwards I’ll probably open a can of whatever. I love canned crap.

Never in a million years will you ever guess where Sam wanted to shop this morning. Give up? The 99¢ Store! And he went VOLUNTARILY! Because I haven’t been able to visit fun stores like this for years due to a variety of mobility issues like lousy feet, lousy knees and getting dizzy a lot, I told Sam to call me from inside to describe their current collection of crap. And he did, eventually coming home with two bags of the aforementioned zero-carb pork rinds and a tube of braunschweiger. Holy crap, people! BRAUNSCHWEIGER! Sam said they also had a lot of great deals on toothpaste, shampoo, deodorant and umbrellas except we didn’t need any today. Especially umbrellas, as it hasn’t rained in Texas since October 2011. (This might be an exaggeration, but not by much.)

Since Rosh Hashanah begins tomorrow at sundown I’d like to take this opportunity to wish my Jewish readers a sweet and happy new year. Happy 5774!

I’ve got another Putz of the Week award to share with y’all but it’ll have to wait for my next Howdygram post because I need to eat dinner now. Thank you for reading this.