Mazel tov. I just won my own Einstein Award.

In this post: Creatures in the night, a shopping spree, models on the runway.

Here’s a new twist, people. I get up at 5:15 this morning for a routine bathroom junket but don’t quite realize I’m in the middle of a low blood sugar episode when I squint down the hall in the dark (well, except for a night-light) and think I see a muskrat hiding under the area rug outside the laundry room door. (Actually, I’m guessing it’s either a muskrat or a very young hyena.) In a panic I manage to wake Sam and convince him to go on safari with me, but by the time we get halfway there I figure out that the rug is a bunched up and casting a lumpy shadow on the wall, so the whole stupid hoo-hah is just a pathetic hypoglycemic hallucination. Oy, right? Looks like I officially win my own Howdygram Einstein Award!

To cheer myself up I enjoyed an Internet shopping excursion today. As of 3:45 p.m. I’ve completed the following purchases:

1. A pair of nice matching area rugs on sale from Bed Bath & Beyond (5' x 7' and 3½' x 4') with FREE SHIPPING, plus I used two 20% off coupons. I saved enough dough to buy items 2 and 3 (see below) and order Mongolian chicken for dinner tonight, although I might want pickles & biscuits instead. Stay tuned.
2. A six-month supply of Walter Drake Sparkle Dent denture whitener from Amazon. Because a girl’s fake teeth can never be white enough.
3. Two bottles of Body Essence Tea Tree Oil Body Wash from Wal-Mart. Reviewers say it smells fabulous, and Wal-Mart reviewers don’t lie. Ever.

I’m sitting here wondering how come my maid is making such peculiar sounds in the family room when I suddenly realize GLORIOSKI ... IT’S THUNDERING OUTSIDE! I don’t think we’re expecting any rain, unfortunately, but it’s definitely overcast and thundering right now. And in case you’re interested, it’s also hot and sticky, such as 96° with 40% humidity. I’m sooo ready for fall weather! (The sooner the better.)

For your possible interest I’ll close today’s post with a collection of crap hair and makeup looks from New York Fashion Week’s spring 2014 runway shows. This is fashion? The girl at the upper left looks like she got caught in a blender.

Thank you for reading this.