Pigs, skeeters and sexpots.

I’ve got some breaking news for y’all from Howdygram headquarters! The 2012 Texas State Fair swung open its gates about an hour ago ... but not without a measure of impending doom and controversy.

Impending Doom Prediction #1. Children’s Medical Center in Dallas says there’s a SWINE FLU THREAT this year and medical experts are warning fairgoers — especially children and senior citizens — not to eat or drink around pigs. 

For the record, it’s almost impossible to avoid pigs at the State Fair. You’ve got pig races, pork exhibits, pig acrobats, hog judging and all those long lines at the chocolate-covered bacon booth!

Impending Doom Prediction #2. If that’s not enough to scare the crap out of you, fairgoers are also being warned about the danger of WEST NILE VIRUS at dusk and early evening since Fair Park has a number of lovely but potentially-infested fountains, pools and retention ponds. We have all been encouraged to learn that intense aerial shpritzing and ground abatement efforts in August failed to eradicate any of the city’s population of killer mosquitos.

I have the answer. Everybody should just stay home or plan a day-trip to the Choctaw Casino for pea salad and sugar-free pie. (I vote for door number two.)

At present Sam has taken our Saturn for its 2012 state inspection sticker — same as a “smog check” for those of you in California — and as soon as he gets home we’ll finish watching a movie we started last night: White Cargo (1942) with Hedy Lamarr, Richard Carlson and Walter Pidgeon. The plot? An intense and sweaty hate-fest among a group of intoxicated men who live and work at an African rubber plantation, with everybody competing for half-dressed Hedy Lamarr, who plays a manipulative local sexpot named Tondelayo. Sample hate-fest dialog appears below. (The part of Harry Witzel is played by Walter Pidgeon.)

Wilbur Ashley: “The natives have been looking at me lately in a queer sort of way.”
Harry Witzel:   “Maybe they’re wondering how you can walk without a spine.”

Thanks for stopping by. Say hi to the family for me, okay?