Too bad I can’t order us some cooler weather from Amazon. They sell everything else.

Let’s start with a quick review of today’s lunch excursion, the Blue Goose Cantina in Addison, where Sam and I dined on dry, microwaved leftovers (rock-hard tamales for Sam, rubbery chicken enchiladas for me). And that was the good part! Our waitress, who never bothered to introduce herself (no kidding), was abrupt to the point of being RUDE. Although the restaurant was barely one-third full when we got there at 11:30 she delivered our check with the entrees and never spoke to us again except to ask “Is everything all right?” before we even had a chance to taste the food. And then came the big HOLY CRAP FAUX PAS when Sam handed her the little leather folder with our money inside and she asked if he wanted change. VERY BAD MOVE. If I don’t want change, I’ll tell YOU. Bring back my money, Einstein!

To their credit, however, the Blue Goose had good salsa and cloth napkins. (Big deal.)

As a follow-up to my recent post about this year’s fried food competition for vendors at the 2012 Texas State Fair, the Howdygram would like to congratulate the winners of the Big Tex Choice Awards. Abel Gonzales, who won the Best Taste award, created Deep-Fried Jambalaya; Butch Benavides won Most Creative for Fried Bacon Cinnamon Rolls. They posed below for a publicity photo earlier today although I have no idea which one is Gonzales and which one is Benavides. I’d like to express my thanks to the Dallas Observer for their fine reporting. The State Fair opens on September 28,

For your possible interest the following is a list of additional new food offerings that didn’t make it into the finals:

• Cup of Trash. Pinto beans, northern beans, burger meat and rice topped with onions, cheese and tomatoes. Isn’t this really just leftovers?
• Deep-Fried Baked Potato. Crispy fried French fries wrapped in foil, split open and filled with butter, cheese, sour cream, chives and bacon bits. Beef and barbecue sauce are optional. Huh?
• Deep-Fried Chicken and Waffles. Chicken breast dipped in waffle batter, fried and dusted with sugar. On a stick. 

I feel sick.
• Deep-Fried Red Velvet Cupcake. Red velvet cupcake filled with cream cheese, fried, covered with more frosting and topped with a fried chicken wing. Now I REALLY feel sick. Who the hell eats chicken and frosting?
• El Dogito on a Stick. Spicy sausage with cheese and jalapeños, wrapped in a tortilla and fried. Not bad.
• Fried Cotton Candy. Pink cotton candy lightly battered with funnel cake mix,  quick-fried and dusted with powdered sugar. And drizzled with insulin.
• Fried Cow Patty. They didn’t really fry poop. It’s fried chocolate cake batter with chocolate pudding and chocolate whipped cream. So it will intentionally look like poop but won’t taste like poop. Thank God.
• Fried Sugar. Sugar cubes are dipped in pancake batter, fried and doused with caramel sauce. There’s just no end to this, is there?
• Chocolate Candy-Coated Bacon. Fried bacon dipped in chocolate and rolled in candy sprinkles. When did bacon become the god of everything? I don’t get it.

Gourmet food options aside, here are four significant reasons why I will NOT be going to this year’s State Fair:

1. Dallas County is still worried about West Nile virus and mosquito infestation at the fairground’s lagoons.
2. Dengue fever, also carried by mosquitoes, is migrating north from Mexico.
3. Swine flu is making a comeback! Elderly fairgoers — I guess I’m in this category now — and very young children are being warned to steer clear of livestock exhibits.
4. Parking sucks.

One final thought. We’re still in the middle of an unwelcome early fall heat wave here in north Texas, as evidenced by Weather.com’s forecast through Friday:

Too bad I can’t order us some cooler weather from Amazon. They sell everything else. Thank you for reading this.