I wouldn’t mind a couple of nice low-carb biscuits.

Hi, people. It’s 7:30 Monday morning, there’s an enormous truck idling on the street in front of our house, and I’m wide awake with a Marcytini and the finest low-carb chocolate bar God ever created.

Great opening sentence, isn’t it?

Incidentally, the aforementioned low-carb chocolate bar is ChocoPerfection, and if you’re diabetic (like me) or just watching your carbs you really should buy yourself a box from Netrition and give these babies a shot. Zero sugar, high fiber, and they taste like the best European chocolate. If you decide you don’t like them just send the leftovers to me. (Thank you in advance.)

From our Gotta Love Those Wacky Japanese department comes the following Domino’s Pizza TV commercial starring Scott Oellkers, the unappealing president of Domino’s Japan, introducing a bizarre new Domino’s Pizza iPhone app featuring a singing little animated slut with blue hair. (Watch Oellkers’ face. I seriously think this dude has a crush on her.) Is Domino’s really this hard up to sell pizza in Japan? Holy crap.

All of a sudden I’m cold, tired and hungry. I can’t do much at the moment about the cold and tired part, but nuking a Schwan’s teeny Garden Vegetable Omelet would probably address the hunger issue. It cooks in 90 seconds and tastes delicious even if you don’t own blue dinnerware. I also wouldn’t mind a couple of nice low-carb biscuits but sometimes you can’t have everything.

Thank you for putting up with me. Shalom.