See what happens when Bubba gets himself a job?

Sam and I are recovering from a “lost weekend,” during which we found ourselves unconscious for extended periods of time in various rooms of the house. This involved sleeping, napping and dozing off, skipping meals, not watching a thunderstorm and forgetting to fold socks. And for no discernible reason whatsoever, I might add, other than we must have been pretty damn tired. Unfortunately, this resulted in missing a monumental once-in-a-lifetime event nearby in Garland on Sunday afternoon: THE OSCAR MAYER WIENERMOBILE.

I don’t know if Oscar Mayer still employs dwarfs as their Little Oscar mascot — can they still get away with that? — but he was definitely a well-loved little dude back in the 1950s. The wienermobile used to draw huge crowds. For the record, the original Little Oscar was Meinhardt Raabe, who also played the Munchkin coroner in “The Wizard of Oz.” He died in 2010 at the age of 94.

Hey, I’ve got another Einstein award, and it’s definitely a “first” for the Howdygram! This time we’re bestowing our honor on an entire institution — The Galveston National Laboratory at the University of Texas Medical Center — where a team of highly-trained Einsteins apparently lost one of five vials containing the deadly Guanarito virus from Venezuela.

The $174 million facility is designed with the strictest security measures imaginable to house the deadliest viruses in the United States. Yup. See what happens when Bubba gets himself a job? Other killer viruses stored at the laboratory include anthrax, Ebola and the plague. Dr. William Schaffner at Vanderbilt University Medical Center in Nashville offered a surprisingly glib apology for the error: “Fortunately, losing a vial of Guanarito is not as threatening as losing a vial of anthrax.”

Thanks, Einsteins. We’ll sleep better tonight knowing it can still get worse.

Our GE gas range (pictured below) was repaired this afternoon, and I’m happy to report that my kitchen is functioning again at maximum capacity. Thank God the technician was able to adjust the oven’s thermostat (total charge, $98) and did NOT have to replace the entire electronic sensor unit, which would have cost at least $395 more and involve dismantling the entire stove. If that were the case I’d probably just ask Sam for a new gas range altogether, since Conn’s and Best Buy always have nice GE ranges on sale for about $549 ... and next time I might even be able to get one with a convection oven. Holy crap!

Sam is extremely swamped at work tonight. It’s 10:45 p.m. and he just called — the first chance he’s had since he left the house at 1:15 this afternoon — to let me know he won’t be home until 1 a.m. This sucks for a number of reasons, but mainly because he should be sitting in the family room right now with a bag of trail mix watching Dial M for Murder starring Grace Kelly and Ray Milland.

I almost forgot to wish y’all a happy Passover! As soon as I finish this post I plan to launch a solo gefilte fish festival with a large quantity of horseradish. My agenda for tomorrow morning includes making matzo ball soup. Thank you for reading this.