Kim Jong Un and Dennis Rodman deserve each other.

Here we go again. I’m wide awake at 4 a.m., the neuropathy in my hands and feet is making me nuts, and North Korea’s child dictator, Kim Jong Un (pictured at right), is still threatening to start a nuclear war and annihilate the United States. Making the situation even worse is that horse’s ass Dennis Rodman, who announced plans to return to North Korea in August to vacation with Kim. These two stupid turds deserve each other. Holy crap.

I do have some good news to report, however. The Howdygram’s spring Gefilte Fish Festival will finally get underway on Wednesday — one day later than originally expected — after I pick up my incoming order from the KC Kosher Co-Op. The truck will pull up at 5 p.m. in front of a snooty house in Preston Hollow that’s not far too from George and Laura Bush’s armed compound. Apparently the entire Jewish community shows up for this event because there’s nowhere else in Dallas to buy kosher food and this is the last delivery before Passover. The map below indicates: A) Howdygram headquarters; B) the Kosher Co-Op’s drop-off point; and C) Dubya’s 7,500 square foot mansion with a fence so high you can’t shoot spitballs over the top. (Actually, I’ve never tried. This sounds like a fun project for a Saturday afternoon.)

I’m hoping somebody will be kind enough on Wednesday to help load my gefilte fish into the back seat of my car because I can’t walk with a cane and lift a crate of two-pound glass jars all by myself. Fortunately I think I still have enough time to practice looking pathetic. (This won’t be much of a stretch, believe me.) 

If I don’t get some sleep I’ll be a zombie today. Try not to make any noise for a few hours, okay?