Presenting the secret works of George W. Bush.

Yes, dear readers, it’s been a while since my last Howdygram post. I blame the lapse on a four-day flare-up of diabetic neuropathy, which left me virtually sleepless for several consecutive nights. I managed to catch up (a little) during the day with naps on the chaise in the family room, but at all other times I was crabby, struggling, frustrated by a laundry list of side effects and decidedly unfunny and uninspired. But today — glorioski! — I’m feeling a hell of lot better. Sam and I watched everybody’s favorite Easter movie, Godzilla: King of the Monsters (1956), starring a giant fake lizard, Raymond Burr at his mind-numbing worst (see below) and throngs of screaming Japanese. We also enjoyed a couple of very pleasant Warner Baxter mysteries, Just Before Dawn (1946) and Crime Doctor (1943).

In case you’ve missed this in other places on the Internet — such as Gawker.com and The Huffington Post — the Howdygram Fine Art Museum is pleased to present the secret works of George W. Bush, recently discovered by an enterprising hacker who got into the emails of George’s sister and shared his attachments with the world. Personally, I think these paintings are all rather juvenile but definitely a lot better than anything I could do. George’s grapes, in particular, are excellent.

And now for the latest from North Korea, who yesterday issued its “Ultimate Definite Last Totally Final Warning” to the United States before launching a thermo-nuclear war. While nobody really understands why the devil these idiots are always so angry, I think it’s important to note the primary targets on Supreme Twerp Kim Jong Un’s latest map. These include Guam, Hawaii, Los Angeles, New York City, Washington, D.C. and (of all places) Austin, Texas. Austin, Texas? Holy crap. Maybe bombing Austin wouldn’t be such a bad idea if we could get rid of Rick Perry and the Texas legislature! I’m just saying.

Sam and I would like to wish y’all a Happy Easter if that’s what you’re celebrating today. In the spirit of holiday entertainment I’m pleased to include this hilarious slideshow of Peeps dioramas. Thank you for reading this!