Being Santa is obviously a smart career move for geezers who refuse to shave.

I didn’t write a Howdygram post yesterday because I wasn’t in the mood. I know you’ll get over it. We all have to deal with disappointment, right?

Sam and I had a very pleasant Sunday that included a nice excursion — road construction be damned! — to downtown Fort Worth, lunch at El Asadero and a drive-by visit to Cowboys Stadium and the Texas Rangers ballpark, which are conveniently located across the street from each other in Arlington. For your possible interest, this was my first time shooting mealtime insulin away from home! The parking lot next to El Asadero offered the perfect combination of awkwardness, lack of privacy and what the hell am I supposed to do with a used insulin syringe.

The faculty at Howdygram University is pleased to post the following informational video in case you’ve ever had difficulty drinking a can of soda. Please practice this at home; there’s a pop quiz on Thursday (no pun intended). Thank you.

Here’s an enlightening bit of scary baloney courtesy of Foodbeast.com that illustrates four popular fast-food products as they appear in advertisements versus the miserable crap you unwrap in your car. While all of these examples are mighty grim, the most embarrassing of the lot has to be those pathetic Jack in the Box tacos that look like they’ve been pulled out of a body cavity. (Please don’t ask me to elaborate.)

Speaking of advertising, the following two images from our local newspaper provide ample evidence that it’s fun to live in a small tacky town like Mesquite. I particularly love the ad for Santa, which is obviously a smart career move for geezers who refuse to shave. My only question is, what does this Santa dude actually do? If you decide to call and inquire please send me an email afterwards, okay?

My plans for the balance of the evening include: 1) placing an order with Amazon.com for the fabulous crap pictured below; 2) taking a nice hot shower; 3) eating low-carb chocolate chocolate chip pound cake; and 4) I can’t think of anything else. Incidentally, the aforementioned chocolate chocolate chip pound cake is actually a Dixie Diner muffin mix from Netrition.com. I add DaVinci sugar-free chocolate syrup instead of water, make mine in an 8" x 4" loaf pan instead of muffin tins and increase the baking time to 30 minutes. It’s so outrageously good that I usually make an effort to eat the whole thing in one night. (I never joke about food.)

Try not to gag about the Baken-ets. They’re crunchy and salty with ZERO CARBS, making them an ideal choice for diabetic senior citizens with unusual snacking needs. Worthington Saucettes are vegetarian mock breakfast sausages and another delightful example of fake meat in a can, of which I’m so damn fond. You can learn more about Saucettes here and purchase some for yourself. (Yes, they’re expensive. Think of them as a luxury item, like a pair of Jimmy Choos in a can with gravy.)

Chicken of the Sea pink salmon should be self-explanatory.

Thank you for reading this.