Celebrating Columbus Day and homicidal maniacs in the news.

First, before I forget, I would like to extend to Howdygramsters far and wide our warmest wishes for a Happy Columbus Day. This is the date on which America remembers its first Italian immigrant, celebrating as a nation with Craftsman Saver Days at Sears and no mail delivery. Here at Howdygram headquarters our after-hours Columbus Day party will include low-carb spaghetti and my favorite Gina Lollobrigida movie, Come September (1961), co-starring Rock Hudson, Walter Slezak, Bobby Darin and Sandra Dee. Ciao, y’all.

From our Scumbags In The News department, apparently homicidal maniac Joran van der Sloot, who’s currently serving 28 years in a Peruvian prison for the brutal murder of a girl he met at a poker tournament, has fathered a baby with a “conjugal visitor.” The Dutch newspaper De Telegraaf said van der Sloot reported that the woman forgot to take her  birth control pills but refuses to have an abortion due to her Catholic faith. That may be swell and commendable, but correct me if I’m wrong ... I also didn’t think religious Catholics were allowed to use contraceptives and screw prison inmates. I’m just saying.

If and when van der Sloot completes his sentence in Peru he’s wanted by law enforcement authorities in the United States for extorting $25,000 from the family of Natalee Holloway, the American teen who disappeared on vacation in Aruba in 2005, in exchange for information about the location of her body. A self-admitted pathological liar, van der Sloot was the last person to see Holloway alive and actually confessed three times to killing her, later retracting all three confessions. He used the money he extorted from Natalee’s family to attend that poker tournament in Peru, where he killed Stephany Flores.

I personally find it very hard to believe that useless crap like Joran van der Sloot is still allowed to breathe. Even worse, now he’s MULTIPLYING.

Maybe I’ll start my Columbus Day party early and fold a pile of Sam’s socks and underwear. Mazel tov to everybody and thank you for reading this.