Chicken fried steak. Think of it like bungee jumping with a knife and fork.

I’m starving to death as I write this post. Sam is at Wal-Mart buying pastrami and low-carb tortillas to meet the requirements of my ongoing sandwich craving since I don’t eat bread any more owing to the fact that I’m diabetic. I plan to roll up a few pastrami tacos for lunch today with Koop’s horseradish mustard. If you think this sounds unappetizing, you’re nuts.

I also plan to indulge with Marcy’s Pink and Fluffy Puffy Crap, a faux dessert of my own invention that involves a generous wad of plain yogurt, All Bran, freeze-dried raspberries and a frightening quantity of Equal, all mooshed together and refrigerated until it resembles Pepto Bismol mousse. It’s heaven in a bowl! I’ll post the recipe with a photo later today, so don’t forget to come back.

Before I begin expounding on weather news, here’s another installment of our Holy Crap Gallery! With the possible exception of Liza Minnelli, you’d have to be at least 50 to remember Barbara Eden (“I Dream of Jeannie”), pop singer Leslie Gore or Nancy Sinatra. To tell you the truth, Nancy is the only one that I’d recognize if I ran into her on the street even though she has a completely new mouth. As for the others, Barbara Eden’s eyes have disappeared under those chipmunk cheek implants, Leslie Gore looks like a myopic cashier and Liza is just plain scary.

Fall has finally arrived in north Texas! Following unexpected middle-of-the-night rainfall and a bunch of noisy wind, the high today will be 59° with our first hard freeze expected tomorrow morning. This, of course, is nothing compared to what’s heading for east coast of the United States. By Monday Hurricane Sandy will join with a nor’easter of epic proportions — including extreme tides, heavy rain, high wind and the snowstorm from hell — and slam into Baltimore, Washington, New York and New Jersey, causing The Weather Channel’s fear-mongers to predict $1 billion in damage before anybody’s even had a chance to tie down their lawn chairs. A squiggly forecast map from Weather.com appears below as a visual aid.

And finally, today is National Chicken Fried Steak Day, the official state entree of Texas. If you’ve never had the pleasure, chicken fried steak is a slab of pounded beef that’s battered, deep-fried and buried under lumpy wallpaper paste flecked with black pepper. Typical accompaniments include mashed potatoes, black-eyed peas, Texas toast and little fried okra nipples. The meal pictured below will slam your arteries shut in less than 15 minutes but it’s definitely worth the risk. Think of it like bungee jumping with a knife and fork.

I need a nap. Thank you for reading this.