Lance Armstrong? Oy, what a dope.

Know what? I’ve finally reached the saturation point with election horseshit and didn’t have the stomach for another presidential debate tonight. Instead, I chose to wash a load of jeans and bathrobes, reorganize the pantry, bake a loaf of pumpernickel and watch two “Hardcore Pawn” reruns. And I think I’m a better person for it!

Breaking news. New Jersey police have exposed a ring of Einstein condiment counterfeiters after discovering a warehouse full of exploding Heinz ketchup bottles. A spokesman for Heinz North America said the fake ketchup bottles were labeled as “Simply Heinz,” its premium brand that uses sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup. According to police, the thieves made two key errors: 1) a chemical reaction caused the repackaged ketchup to ferment and blow up in the heat; and 2) the Einsteins didn’t realize that regular Heinz and Simply Heinz both sell for the same price.

Please allow me to share the following cute family photo of our niece Anna posing with Sam’s mom. Apparently Anna performed yesterday with the Los Angeles Youth Ballet Theatre, appearing in three different short ballets based on Alice in Wonderland, Sleeping Beauty and Peter and the Wolf. Mazel tov, Anna!

I just want to make one comment about the Lance Armstrong scandal. HOW DO YOU GET EXCITED ABOUT WINNING SOMETHING IF YOU HAVE TO CHEAT? Armstrong is just another moron athlete who doped his way to the top and refuses to admit what he did even though thirty or forty thousand teammates have testified against him.

In yet another “holy crap” moment for sports, the governing body of cycling has erased Armstrong from the record books, stripped him of his seven Tour de France titles and banned him for life for his involvement in what U.S. sports authorities describe as a massive doping program that tainted all of his greatest triumphs. They’re even asking him to give back his prize money. Armstrong also stepped down as chairman of Livestrong, the cancer charity he founded 15 years ago, and waved goodbye to longtime endorsements from Nike, Trek Bicycles, Oakley sunglasses and Anheuser-Busch. Following in the footsteps of other prominent losers, I wouldn’t be surprised if Armstrong’s next career decisions include “Dancing with the Stars” and a YouTube sex tape with Kim Kardashian.

Thank you for reading this.