I think a water feature would be a nice addition to the front yard.

We’re waiting for weather here at Howdygram headquarters. North Texas is expecting severe storms during the wee hours — starting around 3 a.m. — with hail, crazy wind and a chance of tornadoes. Frankly, I’ll believe it when I see it. The lying sacks of poo at Weather.com have predicted the same hoo-hah a million times before but all we ever get is a bogus forecast and NO RAIN. We never stop hoping, though. It’s like Charlie Brown and that miserable football. In the event you care about this, here’s the weather we’ve been promised tonight:

Breaking news! Regarding my Howdygram post from April 2, the information provided in Scary Story Number One was a wee bit premature. The Aryan Brotherhood of Texas, a prison gang of white supremacist halfwits, apparently was NOT responsible for the multiple homicides in nearby Kaufman County. A former justice of the peace and his wife have been arrested and charged with capital murder after confessing to the assassinations of District Attorney Michael McLelland and his wife, Cynthia, at their home on March 30, and for the drive-by murder of Assistant District Attorney Mark Hasse on January 31. Eric and Kim Williams are in jail and being held on $10 million bond. (In other words, they ain’t goin’ nowhere.) Mug shots of the Williams Gang appear below. I think they look like people you’d run into at IHOP on Saturday morning.

And as long as I’m reporting local crime I guess I should throw another scary story into the mix. Mesquite police received a missing person report yesterday and located the victim’s car a few hours later in the Wal-Mart Supercenter parking lot at Belt Line Road and I-80 with his body stuffed in the trunk. Law enforcement officials have arrested Randy Wilson Wright, pictured at right, for capital murder. Please be advised that the Wal-Mart in question here is about two miles south of Howdygram headquarters in a very decent neighborhood with lots of restaurants, two nice motels, a new car wash and across the street from our favorite Denny’s. Holy crap! The map below indicates: A) Howdygram headquarters; B) The Wal-Mart Supercenter on I-80 where criminals are parking dead bodies; C) the aforementioned favorite Denny’s; and D) the Wal-Mart Neighborhood Market on Town East Boulevard where Sam buys fruit, yogurt and lunch meat.

If this keeps up we might have to hire armed guards or build a moat around the house. Personally, I vote for the moat because I think a water feature would be a nice addition to the front yard.

And now it’s time for some Wednesday evening recreation, featuring: 1) an insulin injection; 2) homemade chicken soup with zero-calorie Miracle Rice and a low-carb black raspberry smoothie; 3) four “Hardcore Pawn” reruns; and 4) folding socks. I love my life, people.