The highlight of my week: A case of kosher pickles and 12 canisters of chicken soup mix.

By now you’ve probably noticed that I didn’t write a Howdygram post yesterday. This was due mostly to the fact that we had a lazy weekend and didn’t do very much. Sam needed a lot of sleep, which he got, and I made tuna salad. We also watched a few movies but I can’t remember which ones because I’m getting old.

One more reason I’m feeling my age: I read that Richie Havens died of a heart attack today. I loved this dude! Havens, who was 72, mostly recorded covers of other artists’ hits but turned them into his own personal triumphs with better vocals and instrumentals than the original recordings. Here’s Richie singing one of my personal favorites, George Harrison’s “Here Comes the Sun,” from Woodstock’s 40th anniversary back in in 2009.

I might be a little late to the picnic on this topic, but I’ve finally realized that the Internet is an appalling waste of time. After I dug up this terrific video of Richie Havens I spent THREE SOLID HOURS glued to YouTube watching a mashup of Judy Judy’s best cases. I think my favorite was a 40-year-old man suing a 13-year-old neighbor girl who didn’t pay him for the liquor and cigarettes he bought her. While this was probably worth three hours of my life, I haven’t eaten since 11:45 this morning and my blood sugar is plummeting. Holy crap.

For your possible interest, here’s what’s happening this week at Howdygram headquarters.

• The highlight of my week: Tomorrow is pickup day for my April order from the KC Kosher Co-Op. I have to drive into Dallas to meet the delivery truck at 5 p.m. in a ritzy Jewish neighborhood about a mile from George W. Bush’s house. This month’s loot includes a six-jar carton of Ba-tampte half-sour pickles and 12 canisters of Kosher Carmel chicken soup mix.
• My maid service will be here Wednesday at 1:30.
• The big season 11 “Project Runway” finale is Thursday night at 8 Central time. I’m ready, people.
• Sam has an appointment with an ophthalmologist Friday morning to discuss cataract surgery.

I didn’t think I’d run across another Putz of the Week candidate so soon after honoring Louie Gohmert in my last post, but there’s definitely an abundance of right-wing cretins waiting for the Howdygram’s acknowledgement. This time it’s Minnesota’s ultra-conservative radio host Bob Davis, who announced on the air that Sandy Hook families can “go to hell” for infringing on his gun rights.

On Friday Davis was discussing the Newtown tragedy during his talk show on Twin Cities News Talk AM 1130 and launched into a hideous tirade about how family members of the 26 victims — who were mostly 6 and 7 years old — are suddenly advocates for gun control. Here’s a direct quote of his remarks. You’d better have a barf bag handy.

“I have something I want to say to the victims of Newtown, or any other shooting. I don’t care if it’s here in Minneapolis or anyplace else. Just because a bad thing happened to you doesn’t mean that you get to put a king in charge of my life. I’m sorry that you suffered a tragedy, but you know what? Deal with it, and don’t force me to lose my liberty, which is a greater tragedy than your loss. I’m sick and tired of seeing these victims trotted out, given rides on Air Force One, hauled into the Senate, and everyone is just afraid — they’re terrified of these victims. I would stand in front of them and tell them GO TO HELL.”

I have news for you Bob: The families of those children are already in hell and I HAVE NO DOUBT YOU’RE GOING TO JOIN THEM. And while I’m at it, isn’t it amazing how these loudmouth right-wing sacks of poo can spout liberty and freedom when it comes to their stupid guns but have no problem refusing women the right to a legal abortion? I’m just saying.

Whew.

It’s almost 9 p.m. and I’d better figure out immediately what I want for dinner and shlep myself into the kitchen. Leftover Chinese sounds like the perfect option because it’s also the fastest option. Thank you for reading this!