How to turn your birthday into an orgy with forks and napkins.

Yo. There’s not much to report right now from Howdygram headquarters because Sam is still asleep — he got home from work at 4:30 this morning — and, for a pleasant change of pace, it even looks like rain because we’re expecting some (thunderstorms, actually) later on today! In the meantime it’s nice and dark outside and perfect staying-in-bed weather for Sam. When I finish this post I think I’ll stretch out on the chaise in the family room and watch a William Powell movie.

Everybody loves birthdays because you get cards, presents, money, free food and cake. To expand your festivities this year the Howdygram is pleased to share the following top secret information about free birthday crapola from a bunch of nice national restaurants. Please note that some may ask you to sign up online for a rewards program (usually a week or more before your birthday) so plan ahead and turn your celebration into an orgy with forks and napkins!

BREAKFAST
    Denny’s. Free Grand Slam breakfast.
    Einstein Bagels. Free breakfast sandwich (with purchase of drink).
    IHOP. Free Rooty Tooty Fresh & Fruity (or menu item of equal or lesser value).
    Waffle House. Free waffle (and a free waffle for signing up).

LUNCH/DINNER
    Benihana. $30 off, Monday through Thursday the week of your birthday.
    Black Angus Steakhouse. Free BOGO steak dinner (up to $19.99).
    Daphne’s Greek Cafe. Free entree.
    Firehouse Subs. Free medium sub with ID.
    Hooters. Ten free wings.
    Red Robin. Free gourmet burger if you buy the Red Royalty card and register it online.
    Spaghetti Warehouse. Free spaghetti entree and spumoni sundae.
    Which Wich. Free regular Wich.
    Wingstop. Free large fresh cut seasoned fries.
    Wienerschnitzel. Free corndog.

BEVERAGES
    Caribou Coffee. Free drink.
    Del Taco. Free premium shake (plus two free chicken soft tacos for signing up).
    Sonic. Free regular Creamslush/tater tots/medium drink.

DESSERTS
    Auntie Anne’s. Buy one get one free birthday pretzel.
    Baskin Robbins. Free birthday ice cream, plus cake discount.
    Ben & Jerry’s. Free scoop of your favorite flavor plus $3 off an ice cream cake.
    Chili’s. Free brownie sundae.
    Dippin’ Dots. Free small cup of dippin’ dots.
    Maggie Moo’s. Free kid-sized cone.

In case you’re interested I’ve never heard of Dippin’ Dots or Maggie Moo’s, but that’s not too surprising because I lead a sheltered life plus I’m also diabetic. (I’d kill for a waffle.)

Thank you for reading this.