Psychopaths, armed toddlers, bird flu and an all-new Kool Aid Man.

Is anybody besides me sick to death of the news? The last couple of days have been so horrible I almost don’t feel like writing a Howdygram post, but I’ll push forward nevertheless. Here are the devastating stories currently giving me the most grief.

• Toddlers killing people with loaded guns.
• Teenage boys posting photos of their unconscious rape victims on Facebook.
• A deadly new strain of bird flu from China causes brain damage and organ failure.
• A charter bus full of senior citizens crashes in Dallas on its way to the Choctaw Casino in Okahoma. Two are killed, two dozen are airlifted to hospitals with critical injuries.
• Cicadas are invading the east coast. 
• North Korea still won’t shut the hell up.
• Psychopath Jodi Arias launches a Twitter account from jail. She has 16,000 followers.
• Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio receives a mail bomb. (Yay.) It doesn’t go off. (Boo.)
• West Nile Virus is already back in Dallas after a deadly season in 2012.
• Kraft introduces a new Kool Aid Man.

I think the new Kool Aid Man looks exactly like the old Kool Aid Man. Also, does anybody really give a crap about this?

It’s 9 p.m. Friday night and I haven’t eaten anything since 11 this morning, a situation that probably explains why my blood sugar is plummeting (62 the last time I checked) and I’m starving. For the sake of expedience I have selected an everything-but-the-kitchen-sink evening feast that will include: 1) a jar of gefilte fish; 2) two leftover low-carb biscuits; 3) a small mountain of cheap dill pickles; 4) Slim Jims; and 5) a couple of sugar-free Russell Stover chocolate-covered marshmallows.

There’s enough for company if you’d like to come over so please send an email right away if you’re interested. Thank you.