Egg salad, Ziggy Talent and right-wing sore loser dirtbags.

When I sat down to write tonight’s Howdygram post I had no material whatsoever. Zero. Zilch. I took a short break at 7 p.m. to eat an unassuming bowl of egg salad, and holy crap … all of a sudden I’ve got a million ideas! Who knew? I MADE MAGIC EGG SALAD!

First, allow me to introduce the Meneghini La Cambusa, a jaw-dropping three-door customizable “galley” appliance from Italy. Think of it like installing Costco in your kitchen! Features include a refrigerator, freezer, ice maker, coffee maker, microwave, a steam oven and dry food storage … all for $41,500. To say I want one of these for Hanukkah would be an understatement. (I hope Sam is reading this.)

Before I launch into today’s rant I’d like to post the following video from the movie Meet the People (1944) starring Dick Powell and Lucille Ball, except neither of them is in this clip. It’s a musical number called “I Can’t Dance” featuring a screwball named Ziggy Talent with the Vaughn Monroe Orchestra. (Alert: I promise you’ll need to pee halfway into this routine.)

And now for the topic at hand. REPUBLICANS. I don’t know why anybody still refers to them as a “party,” because they’re the sourest crowd I’ve ever seen in my life.

The after-shock from Tuesday’s election is still causing quite a commotion among right-wing sore loser dirtbags. The biggest sore loser dirtbag is probably Karl Rove, whose pathetic platform led the GOP’s super-PAC straight down the toilet, and an eleventh-hour tantrum on Fox News cost him whatever shred of credibility he had left.

Egomaniac Newt Gingrich didn’t fare too well, either, with his outrageous election night predictions that Romney would win more than 300 electoral votes and Republicans would retake the Senate, all based on his claim to vast political knowledge and experience. Newt, who was nicknamed “The Angry Attack Muffin” by pundit Peggy Noonan, is still camped out in fantasy land.

Neanderthal mysogynist Senators Todd Akin (Missouri) and Richard Mourdock (Indiana) both lost re-election after spewing highly offensive viewpoints about rape and pregnancy. Even in their solidly red states neither could win the votes of women. What a shock, right?

And last but not least is sore loser dirtbag Donald Trump, the Howdygram’s Putz of the Week (twice!), who’s still shrieking that our president is an illegal alien, his re-election was a travesty and democracy is a sham. Personally, I think you should all follow my lead and demand that NBC cancel “Celebrity Apprentice” and remove this anti-American hate monger from television. I’m absolutely serious.

Although the image below never actually appeared on the cover of Bloomberg Business Week, it apparently was proposed artwork for an issue back in January. I’ve decided to post it here for effect, mostly because it fairly represents Romney during the final week of his campaign. He was battered from all directions after vowing to destroy Planned Parenthood, lying about the president shipping Jeep jobs to China and pretending he never ran a full-page New York Times op-ed piece to “let Detroit go bankrupt” in advance of Obama’s successful bailout of the auto industry. That Romney got any votes at all is still a mystery.

Sometime this week I hope to get back to normal Howdygram posts about meaningful topics such as shopping, Einsteins, Chinese food, laundry, trips to the Choctaw Casino and assorted other crapola. Politics is almost out of my system. I’m exhausted.

It’s time for a hot shower and a movie. Thank you for reading this!