I’ve got a lot of TicTacs. (Thank God.)

HOLY CRAP! IT’S SATURDAY! Now that I’ve got your attention I can move on to other pressing issues, such why am I awake at this hour of the morning and check out all the exciting merchandise I ordered yesterday from my pals at Amazon.

The lens wipes (120 in teeny foil packets) and FreeStyle Lite diabetes test strips should be self-explanatory. One is for cleaning my glasses, the other for testing my blood sugar, respectively. The platter of dried fruit, however, is for eating, albeit not by me. It’s on the way to a nursing home in Chicago for my mother’s 90th birthday party next weekend. Sam and I can’t go so we’re sending prunes and apricots to represent us.

I should mention that I’m definitely sad about missing mom’s event but I try not to think about it too much. Sam can’t take vacation time in November and I can’t travel alone any more due to health reasons. For instance, I’d never get through airport security with my portable pharmacy, syringes and an ice chest full of insulin, and I’m unable to walk 100 yards without sitting down. In addition: 1) I lose my balance; 2) I can’t shlep my own luggage due to nerve damage in my hands; 3) my feet are numb; 4) I have difficulty swallowing when I get excited; and 5) I’m claustrophic on airplanes. All of which make me a model passenger and a flight attendant’s dream.

Sam and I have no concrete plans this weekend, but if I play my cards right I can probably con him into a restaurant meal at some point ... either Thai Star or Pepe’s & Mito’s. I’m hungry enough right now for both except it’s 5:15 in the morning and nothing’s open except McDonald’s and the local doughnut shop. In the meantime I’ve got a lot of TicTacs. (Thank God.)

Stay classy, people. Thank you for reading this.