Thank you for reading this on my birthday.

Hi, people. Happy birthday to me! I have to spend the evening alone because Sam’s at work, but as a consolation prize I get to eat weird and tasty crap while watching “People’s Court” reruns until well past midnight. Possible selections for the aforementioned weird and tasty crap may include any or all of the following: 1) a Schwan’s frozen omelet; 2) a bag of Lowrey’s Bacon Curls; 3) freeze-dried green beans with I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter spray; 4) Mongolian chicken; and/or 5) egg salad on a low-carb tortilla. Please send an email as soon as possible if you’d like to participate in my birthday food extravaganza. The festivities begin at 8 p.m., napkins included.

In case you’re interested in a truly shlocky one-star horror flick, please allow me to recommend The Devil Bat (1940) starring Bela Lugosi with a supporting cast of unknown actors and flying rodents. Sam and I had an opportunity to watch this dreck-fest during lunch today.

Bela Lugosi plays “kindly Dr. Carruthers,” a beloved local scientist who invents after shave lotion by day and giant killer bats by night in his secret laboratory in order to kill off the owners of a cosmetic company and their pals, employees and offspring.

This is all so hilarious and unbelievably lame you won’t mind wasting 68 minutes of your life ... even if it means being late for work.

Before I forget, in case you’re still undecided in the upcoming presidential election or need a few solid reminders why you should re-elect President Obama, please click the image below to take a look at the 39 best reasons.

Thank you for reading this on my birthday. Smooches to everybody from Howdygram headquarters.