Happy belated birthday, Joe Biden!

It’s the day before Thanksgiving and I’ve got nothing to do. We weren’t invited anywhere for dinner tomorrow and don’t expect company here at Howdygram headquarters, so once again this year Sam and I will pick up the nice little boneless turkey breast we reserved at Boston Market and heat it in the oven when we finish our afternoon naps. I’ll make the essential homemade “sides” all by myself, which will consist of: 1) a box of Stovetop turkey stuffing; 2) a jar of generic turkey gravy with a few freeze-dried mushrooms mixed in; 3) a can of Ocean Spray cranberry sauce; 4) freeze-dried green beans with fake butter; and 5) half a leftover pumpkin pie.

Incidentally, items 3 and 5 are for Sam and item 4 is for me. I also plan to enjoy items 1 and 2 following a substantial injection of mealtime insulin. If that’s too much information for you, please make an effort to get over it.

My creative project du jour involves a new feature for the Howdygram so you can buy all the outstanding crapola that I write about. Think of it as a comprehensive shopping page with photos, intelligently-composed product descriptions and direct links to the relevant websites. I’ve been working on the format since 4:45 this morning, taking breaks only when absolutely necessary. I’m positive you’ll thank me for this eventually.

Before I forget, the Howdygram would like to extend a belated happy birthday wish to Vice President Joe Biden, who turned 70 on November 20. I’ve been a Joe Biden fan for nearly 40 years (oy) and thought you might enjoy the following photos. I don’t know how he does it, but Joe looks better today than he did in 1972! Holy crap, people!

And now it’s time to concentrate on dinner. Just for one, as usual, because Sam doesn’t get home from work until 11 p.m. At the moment I’m considering a can of Loma Linda Swiss Stake because it’s fast (i.e., ready-to-eat), there’s a ton of gravy and it’s my all-time favorite fake meat. You eventually get used to the fact that it looks like Alpo.

Thank you for reading this!