Bill Gates wants to reinvent toilets.

I didn’t feel much like writing a post today even though I’ve got enough stupid material to last a lifetime. Sometimes I guess I’d just rather eat gefilte fish and watch “Project Runway.”

I found some photos online yesterday of various celebrities arriving at Temple Emanu-El for composer Marvin Hamlisch’s funeral in New York earlier this week. Please forgive me for what I’m about to say, okay? HOLY CRAP, DO THESE PEOPLE LOOK OLD, OR WHAT? Liza Minnelli and Bette Midler show up without makeup, Robert Klein is being propped up by a couple of “attendants” and Tony Roberts looks like a Q-Tip!

And now for something completely different. Philanthropist Bill Gates is on a mission to pioneer poop for the 21st century by hosting the world’s first “Reinvent the Toilet Fair” where scientists and inventors were invited to develop better waste management for developing countries that have no sewers, running water or Cottonelle pre-moistened butt wipes (the Howdygram’s personal favorite). The Toilet Fair was flush with inventors, designers and investors from Britain, Canada and the United States.

The California Institute of Technology won first prize for inventing a solar-powered toilet that generates hydrogen gas and electricity. Personally, I’d be afraid to sit down. That’s the same combination that blew up the Hindenburg!

Because the Howdygram strives to be a family-friendly blog with very little content that falls into the “adult” category, I have decided not to include a photo with this story about a strange food vendor in Taiwan who sells “penis pancakes,” which consist of a batter-wrapped sausage that’s baked in an iron press shaped like a penis. I have no idea why there would be a market for this, but click here to check out penis pancakes for yourself. If you’re under 18 please ask your mother if it’s okay to look at semi-pornographic food pictures.

And finally, as a public service I thought I’d include the following instructional video from The Onion that offers various ways to “opt out” of Olive Garden’s unlimited free breadsticks on the odd chance this has been a problem for you.



Now I have to figure out how to drag in a half-ton delivery from Asian Food Grocer — deposited on our doorstep by FedEx about three hours ago — before a fleet of Dallas County aircraft starts dumping mosquito poison in their ongoing effort to eradicate our West Nile virus epidemic. On the other hand, maybe I’ll just leave the carton for Sam and make myself a vanilla shake. Thank you for reading this.