Hurricane Isaac is a pleasant temporary fantasy.

Glorioski, people, it looks like we might get rain and weather from Hurricane Isaac! While Louisiana and southern Mississippi are getting hammered, Weather.com’s latest storm track shows east Texas — including Dallas — in the path for rain on Thursday and Friday, maybe up to two inches. I’m not sure I necessarily believe this, of course, but it’s a pleasant temporary fantasy nevertheless. The red star on the map below indicates Howdygram headquarters.

At the moment I’m staying as far away from Sam as possible because he’s in the middle of his number one most hated household chore: turning our king-size mattress. Actually, it’s not really the mattress itself that ruins his life …  it’s adjusting the damn DUST RUFFLE. Because I hate to see a grown man suffer like this I’m officially requesting a staff of servants for Hanukkah this year. (Please tell your friends.)

And now I’d like to tell y’all about a screwy experience with China City, my favorite local source for Mongolian chicken and other drugs, where nobody speaks a single word of English but they all answer the phone anyway just to make you insane. For this reason I always order from their website but had to call yesterday with an additional request a couple of minutes later. Our conversation follows.

Me:  I just ordered online but want to remind you not to send rice with my entrees, just
         some teeny bags of crispy noodles.
CC:  I know, I know. You get the Moo Shu.
Me:  I didn’t order any Moo Shu.
CC:  Then you order not here yet.
Me:  Sure it is. I just ordered online.
CC:  Take 45 minutes.
Me:  I know it does. I’m not calling about that.
CC:  What you order number.
Me:  19053.
CC:  It here. Thank you. (Click.)

Anybody into food porn? Here’s a portrait of the “Elvis” donut from a popular Dallas dive called Hypnotic Donuts. No, you’re not hallucinating, that’s peanut butter, bacon and bananas on top. And if you’re not into Elvis they also sell one that’s loaded with jalapeños and Tabasco. Why would anybody eat crap like this for dessert? WHATEVER HAPPENED TO MILK AND COOKIES?

Thank you for reading this.