“Wrong-Way Gordon” and a Stallone family album.

Don’t ask me how it’s possible, but according to Weather.com hurricane Gordon in the mid-Atlantic is actually heading in the WRONG DIRECTION. Instead of moving towards the United States the storm is actually zooming east to Portugal, where it’s expected to make landfall by Wednesday. Holy crap.

In yet another puzzling turn of events, Howdygram headquarters didn’t actually get sprayed last night to help eradicate West Nile virus because Einsteins at the Dallas County Public Health Department have decided only to spray the teeny area of Mesquite that’s north of Interstate 30. Seriously? Do those yahoos really think bugs haven’t figured out how to cross a freeway? The red star on the map below denotes Howdygram headquarters; the little pink blotch directly above it is the lucky area of Mesquite that gets to bury its dead mosquitoes today. Frankly, I’m bummed about this.

For your possible interest I’d like to share a website I discovered this morning. Take a trip over to Ian’s Shoelace Site for more than you’ve ever wanted to know about shoelaces, including detailed diagrams and instructions for hundreds of fancy lacing techniques, links to shoelace websites all over the world and shoe portraits (see below) from fans with way too much time on their hands.

And finally, I thought y’all might enjoy this Stallone family album just in time for Halloween, featuring Sylvester, 66, and his mother Jackie, 90, showing off their fright masks plastic surgery. Just between us, Jackie’s lips scare the living crap out of me. They look like inner tubes.

If you’ve got some free time this afternoon take a peek at PlasticSurgeryStar.com for lots more celebrity disasters. Thank you for reading this.