No rain. Not a single stinking drop.

I love my life. Know why? Most days the toughest decision I have to make is should I take my afternoon nap before or after “People’s Court.” In a word, being retired is AWESOME. I get to hang around the house without a bra (no pun intended) writing clever crap for the Howdygram, washing Sam’s socks and shooting insulin. Is this fun, or what?

This will come as no surprise whatsoever to many of you, but Weather.com’s credibility is currently at a new all-time LOW. We didn’t get rain yesterday after all. Zero. NOT A SINGLE STINKING DROP, not even with a gigantic line of storms less than half an inch away on their stupid animated graphic (see my last post). Apparently Fort Worth and various towns in Tarrant County took the brunt of it with 75 m.p.h. wind gusts, power outages and lots of damage to billboards, street signs and assorted poorly-attached whatnots. (Some people have all the luck.) For your possible interest the images below show a busted awning at the Cross-Eyed Moose near the Fort Worth Stockyards and damage to teeny planes at Meacham Field. The destruction isn’t exactly heartbreaking, but it’s a  comfort to know that a few fortunate citizens in north Texas actually got a storm in spite of Weather.com.

Because it’s almost 8 p.m. this would be an excellent time for me to exit, stage right, and throw together something wonderful for dinner. The possibilities are endless and I’m hoping a few of you will volunteer to help with my decision. The choices tonight are as follows:

1. a wad of pepper jack cheese with sugar-free Vlasic bread & butter pickles
2. Bear Creek Hot & Sour Soup
3. gefilte fish and horseradish
4. latkes with sour cream
5. scrambled eggs with freeze-dried sausage textured vegetable protein
6. scrambled eggs without freeze-dried sausage textured vegetable protein
7. Schwan’s frozen chicken patty things with instant Bisto faux gravy
8. tasty braised gluten in a teeny can (see previous post)
9. sugar-free halva
10. calling China City

Please send an email within the next 15 minutes to register your vote for meal option 1 through 10. Thank you, as always, for reading this!