I’ve never liked bugs. For those of you who know me personally, of course, this is an understatement to end all understatements because I am completely paralyzed at the sight of an insect
— any insect —
such as bees, moths, spiders and crickets. Sometimes, depending on weather conditions, Texas can wind up with an abundance of the aforementioned crickets, but this year the big hoo-hah is MOSQUITOS, particularly the kind that carry West Nile Virus. So far this summer we’ve had 431 confirmed cases of West Nile and 12 fatalities with 10 to 15 new cases reported every day. This even includes Sundays, when all good southern mosquitoes should be in church or standing in line somewhere for brunch. Holy crap.
The Dallas metro area has declared a state of emergency and ordered five planes from the Texas Department of Emergency Management to shpritz pesticide all over north Dallas and the Park Cities neighborhoods (Highland Park and University Park) before students start returning to our institutes of higher learning, which includes Southern Methodist University, the University of Texas Southwest Medical Center, Dallas Baptist University, the Dallas County Community College District and Jim-Bob’s Barber College on Lamar across from the new Pizza Hut.
A clever marketing dude at Denny’s corporate headquarters has decided to kill two birds with a rock by opening a new Denny’s combined with a cheesy wedding chapel in a new Neonopolis entertainment center in downtown Las Vegas. The restaurant will offer its traditional menu
— Grand Slams! Patty Melts! Soup du Jour! — with a chapel in the middle featuring intentionally stupid “over-the-top Vegas décor.”
For the record, Sam and I got married in Las Vegas in 2006. After Denny’s opens its new Grand Slam Chapel I’m thinking we might have to go back and renew our vows, because this time we can dine on Senior Scrambled Eggs for lunch instead of that sad and crappy Cheez Whiz Buffet at the Riviera.
Thank you for reading this. Seriously.
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