Shrimp dumplings and a bunch of eastern European contortionists showing off to music.

I discovered a crazy new sport last night at the London Games: BMX racing! BMX is fun to watch but really shouldn’t qualify as an Olympic sport because it’s basically just the roller derby on bicycles. You get eight riders on midget bikes — wearing helmets that make them look like alien raptors — exploding out of the gate at 40 miles per hour, except nearly everybody smashes into the wall at the first big turn so only two or three ever get to the finish line. Hilarious? Yes. Dangerous? You bet. Olympic? Not on your life, pal.

Sam and I went to Hong Kong Royal for dim sum today , which was AWESOME and even better than last time, probably because I brought home an order of Cantonese Pan Fried Noodles with Shrimp for an afternoon snack. God bless Cantonese Pan Fried Noodles! Even better, on Hong Kong Royal’s big-screen TV we had a chance to eat dumplings and watch rhythmic gymnastics at the London Olympics ALL AT THE SAME TIME, during which one hapless athlete dropped her mile-long twirling ribbon and collapsed into hysterics on the floor of the arena. Try to imagine her pain for a minute. You just invested 15 years of your life training for this moment, you make your mother work three jobs to buy you a $1,200 figure skating tutu with rhinestones, and then you DROP THE STINKING RIBBON AT THE OLYMPICS. She deserves to spend the next ten years in a labor camp when she finally goes home to Uzbekistan Kyrgyzstan Turkmenistan Bulgaria wherever the hell she’s from.

For your possible interest here are three representative images of rhythmic gymnastics from the London Olympics. The one in the center is clearly reminiscent of Titian’s painting Diana and Actaeon from 1556. (Google it if you don’t believe me.)

In my opinion rhythmic gymnastics don’t belong in the Olympics because it’s just a bunch of eastern European contortionists showing off to music. However they really know how to point their toes.

News flash! My new sleep aid, Trazodone, worked pretty well last night, although it apparently wears off after six hours because at 5:30 this morning I was wide awake, thirsty, hungry and bored. It was like somebody flipped a switch and WHAMMO. So I decided to move forward with Plan B: 1) a Marcytini; 2) Cheetos; and 3) an old Myrna Loy movie. (That’s technically an oxymoron. Every Myrna Loy movie is an “old” Myrna Loy movie.)

As long as I’m on the subject of movies, a couple of days ago Sam and I watched The Wolf Man (1941) with Lon Chaney, Jr., Claude Rains, Ralph Bellamy and Bela Lugosi. This was not nearly as scary as I remembered it as a kid, but it was genuine buttered popcorn entertainment with the silly Wolf Man costume, all that fake fog and Maria Ouspenskaya as the creepy gypsy fortune teller.

It’s time to move on with some afternoon activities, such as: 1) making chocolate pudding; 2) eating my leftover Cantonese Pan Fried Noodles with Shrimp; and 3) I can’t think of anything else. Sam is asleep in the family room and he definitely has the right idea. Thank you for reading this.