Spread out, porcupine!

Happy Thursday from the bowels of Texas! It’s barely 10 a.m. as I write this post but I can already state without hesitation that today is a fabulous day. And here, in case you care, is why: 1) I slept until 9:30; 2) Sam is on his way back to Fiesta Market for another load of cactus pears; 3) the laundry is caught up and there are no socks to fold; 4) I recorded five excellent episodes of the Three Stooges — spread out, porcupine! — last night; and 5) my blood sugar is back to normal this morning after another stupid insulin incident.

Sam and I love the Three Stooges, clearly the most dysfunctional relationship in movie history. They were either sleeping together in one bed or Moe was beating the crap out of everybody with hammers and frying pans. This is serious entertainment and I highly recommend it.

Speaking of entertainment, I finished watching Brokeback Mountain last night and still couldn’t understand a single word uttered by Heath Ledger. I don’t know if mumbling was supposed to be part of his character’s personality or not, but it irritated the hell out of me and ruined the movie. He had one final line at the end that I replayed three times and I still didn’t know what he said. I was much happier afterwards watching Pride and Prejudice (1940) with Greer Garson and Laurence Olivier because both of them enunciate like a couple of champs.

I placed an order online late last night for a couple of household essentials and this time Wal-Mart.com had the best prices on the planet. I need Lime-Away to get rid of teeny calcium deposits on our faucets and shower head, and Dial Nutriskin is absolutely the best moisturizing body wash ever invented. I bought the Grapeseed Oil scent a couple of weeks ago and love it so much I decided to try two bottles of the White Peach.

I’m seriously starving right now, so this might be a perfect time to rustle up some grub for Sam and me. Thank you for reading this!

Part two of “Brokeback Mountain” and a Wednesday sock-folding marathon start at 7.

They’re here … and they’re better than ever! I refer, of course, to the two huge sacks of CACTUS PEARS that Sam brought home this morning (see my previous post). I just peeled and devoured eight of them, and I’m so deliriously happy I’ve been considering eight more in lieu of dinner. I’ll probably send Sam back to Fiesta Market tomorrow for another load because he said they had a lot in stock and — as always — I can’t get enough of a good thing. Cactus pears are definitely a good thing.

I recorded a movie on Showtime a couple of days ago that I never thought I’d bother watching: Brokeback Mountain (2005) with Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal. I watched half yesterday and plan to finish it tonight. As a modern woman I’m not the least bit disturbed by a lifetime story of gay love between a couple of young cowboys; the real issue here is that EVERYBODY MUMBLES and I can’t hear what the hell these people are saying to each other. Heath Ledger is the worst. I don’t think I’ve been able to understand 90% of his dialog, and his wife (played by Michelle Williams) is almost as bad, although I can’t say I blame her after she catches him climbing all over Jake.

I’ll turn up the volume a few notches and post a final review after I finish the second half tonight. The scenery, at least, is breathtaking. Brokeback Mountain was filmed in the Big Horn Mountains of Wyoming.

And now it’s finally time for some serious food. I plan to reheat some leftover Chinese from last night and peel a few more cactus pears for dessert. A sock-folding marathon will follow immediately afterwards. Don’t be jealous.

The search for cactus pears: a work-in-progress.

My ongoing search for cactus pears has been a work-in-progress for nine years. I used to buy them in season at a neighborhood produce market when I lived in California until it went out of business (the market, not the state) but never found them anywhere after I moved to Texas. However I just read an article on the Dallas Observer’s website that somebody found buckets of them at the Dallas Farmers Market, which is so damn exciting I’m practically ready to jump in the car RIGHT NOW. They also might be available at Fiesta Market, a local Mexican-owned grocery store chain, although I think I tried to find cactus pears there a couple of years ago with no success. Sam is on his way to investigate as I write this post because I looked really pathetic when I started talking to him about this a couple of hours ago.

For the record, it’s difficult to convey the joys of this screwy fruit until a person understands how to peel them without getting stabbed by cactus spines. I was taught proper cactus pear-peeling technique by a genuine Mexican (a co-worker during my years in California) involving two forks and a really sharp knife. It’s easy to do once you get the hang of it and well worth the effort because cactus pears are melony inside with teeny edible seeds — so cold! so crunchy! — and taste fantastic doused with large quantities of Equal.

Breaking news and glorioski ... SAM FOUND CACTUS PEARS AT FIESTA MARKET. He’s on the way home right now with TWO DOZEN, and I’m so damn excited I might pee all over myself! (Okay, probably not.)

And now for the latest installment of our popular Holy Crap Gallery, this time featuring a pair of my favorite Brit actors who were megawatt heart-throbs in the 1960s. Michael Caine still works regularly in films; Peter O’Toole just announced his official retirement.

Thanks for stopping by. Try to write when you get a chance, okay?