Goodwill doesn’t want your used typefaces.

In this post: Purging, bragging, putting.

I’ve decided to simplify my life. A couple of hours ago I deleted 363 fonts I’ve never used because they’re hideous, and if I give the situation some additional thought I could probably dig up 363 more. This is a pleasant activity and I highly recommend it. It’s a lot like cleaning out a closet except Goodwill doesn’t want your used typefaces.

I’ll probably never spend any actual money again on fonts for the rest of my life.

In this post: Changes, spring rolls, mustard-mania.

Know what? I just realized there have been THREE BIG FAT CHANGES at Howdygram headquarters since I retired last June and discontinued my web design/graphic design business. (Ovation Creative, remember?)

Sodium and chemicals are two of my favorite food groups.

In this post: Sam, Spam, fonts, gas pains.

I was hoping to write another nice Howdygram post tonight, but Sam called on Face Time at 10:15 and we managed to kill an hour and a half gabbing about all kinds of crap, and now it’s almost too late for posting because I still have to take a shower, put out fresh bath towels, watch tonight’s Olympics coverage (I recorded it from prime time), shoot insulin and eat cookies. There’s just no end to it, is there?

It’s high time to begin the Howdygram’s official New Year’s Eve festivities.

In this post: Crappy crap, pickles & biscuits, poor Sam.

I have NOT had a terrific day. The crapola started before sun-up with a variety of body maintenance issues (see previous post) followed by seven consecutive hours of intense intestinal distress, several frantic trips down the hall and half a quart of Imodium. (If this is too much information for you, get over it.) By late afternoon I felt so lousy I couldn’t even face a can of Hormel tamales for dinner so I had pickles & biscuits instead. Stop laughing.

It won’t be today and it won’t be tomorrow, either. It’s also not looking so good for Wednesday.

In this post: Medical necessities, Zimmerman in the news, a Putz of the Week, Jesus had B.O.

Three big things on a Monday afternoon.

BIG THING #1. I had my routine quarterly appointment this morning with Dr. M. Everything was good except she’s trying to talk me into a “chemical stress test” (done with an I.V. rather than a treadmill) because I have a pile of mobility issues and also because I’m at-risk for heart disease due to diabetes, high blood pressure and weight. At the moment my head is still stuck comfortably in the sand so I told her I’d think about it.

BIG THING #2. An hour after I got home the lab called to tell me I should come back to have one more tube of blood drawn because they forgot. I told them good luck with that. It won’t be today and it won’t be tomorrow, either. It’s also not looking so good for Wednesday.

BIG THING #3. I’m hungry.

Wanted: A haircut, wintergreen TicTacs and a winning lottery ticket so Sam can stop working.

In this post: Kvetch report, hating Congress, new faces.

Once again I am awake in the middle of the night with burning hot hands and feet — plus stabbing pain and spazzy “electric” shocks — due to peripheral neuropathy. I’ve been back to bed three times since 1 a.m. and finally wound up on the chaise in the family room because sometimes the weight of an ordinary bedsheet is just too much for me. Unfortunately, tonight even the chaise didn’t work out. I’m exhausted, annoyed and miserable. Damn it, people ... I need sleep but I can’t get comfortable!

Miscellaneous baloney, a movie review and another font meltdown.

In this post: Fighting font corruption, appreciating “Brazil,” Rooster’s Roadhouse.

Oy, people, what a day. Howdygram headquarters had another major FONT MELTDOWN this morning! I was seeing way too many “out of memory” warning messages on my Mac last night even during the simplest procedures, and since this was basically the same horseshit as last time (see post) I got up at the crack of dawn to figure out what I had to do. You know, like 4:15 in the morning. It took FIVE HOURS to validate and delete 974 corrupt and semi-corrupt fonts — merely a fraction of my current font library, in case you’re interested — and by the time I finished my Mac was back to normal and I was ready for an asylum.

FYI, I finally concluded what started all this baloney ... and it actually had nothing whatsoever to do with fonts! The culprit was a large and apparently-damaged graphic file I’d transferred from Adobe Illustrator to InDesign, at which time InDesign froze solid and Photoshop crashed. My Macintosh technical guru told me months ago always to check my font library after issues like this, and sure enough ... there were scary little warning icons all over the place instructing me to begin deleting IMMEDIATELY or face eternal damnation.

My left hand is cramped up like a claw and I refuse to fold the sheets in the dryer.

In this post: Kvetch report, a twerking Einstein, another Putz of the Week.

I’m having one of those days. You know, with a growing list of irritating crap that I can’t do anything about. So far I’m dealing with my typical diabetic autonomic neuropathy issues — lousy bladder control, I can’t taste my food, I’m lightheaded every time I stand up and low body temperature — in addition to way too much sneezing, my right eye is dripping, my head hurts, my left hand is cramped up like a claw and I refuse to fold the sheets in the dryer.

Introducing braised camel turds in tomato sauce.

I don’t know if any of you care or not, but here’s what I did today.

1. Discovered at 4:30 a.m. why it’s never a good idea to eat an entire bowl of low-carb chocolate frosting as a TV snack (please refer News Flash #4 in last night’s post). Thank God for Imodium.
2. Enjoyed a nice buffet lunch at Cafe Greek with Sam. Today’s memorable entrees included a lot of tasty gyros meat, baked fish with teeny sesame seeds, marinated cabbage and braised camel turds in tomato sauce. Sam says they were the best camel turds EVER.
3. Slept through round four of the PGA Championship because I really didn’t give a crap who won. (It was eventually Jason Dufner by two strokes. BFD.)

In addition to all of the above, I also downloaded a few more new fonts, which brings my total collection to somewhere around 19,850.

Incidentally, if any of you ever covet the fonts I post here on the Howdygram please don’t hesitate to let me know. They’re mostly all available online for free and I’d be glad to send them to you. Yes! You, too, can own the world’s largest font collection! Operators are standing by to take your call!

And now it’s finally time for dinner. Because it’s already after 7 p.m. and time’s flying, Sam and I are leaning towards a bunch of leftovers for the sake of expediency. Also because we love leftovers. With a side order of green olives.

Thank you for reading this.

The clown car is almost at capacity.

It’s off. We put the kibosh on our fall road trip so Sam can fly back to L.A. for eight days to spend time with his sister Marian, who’s had some serious health issues, and his mom. While Sam is away I’ll hold down the fort at Howdygram headquarters and try to keep all the cattle in the corral.

Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. I’ve got Amazon to keep me company. Also pickles & biscuits.

Breaking news from our Gift That Keeps on Giving department! According to the New York Post, New York mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner, pictured below in a recent glamour shot, got pissed off yesterday at an AARP-sponsored candidates’ forum and referred to his GOP opponent as “grandpa.” Holy crap. There’s no end to Weiner’s abominable public relations skills. Are you as sick of this clown as I am?

And then, of course, we have Bob Filner, the disgusting mayor of San Diego, who’s currently taking a two-week leave of absence to get therapy and find out why he can’t stop groping and humiliating women. At this point 11 accusers have come forward, including several women who also had been victims of military sexual assault.

The only “plus” so far? The city of San Diego has refused to pay Filner’s legal fees. (Everybody is suing him.)

It’s lunch time! But first I want to show off the following new fonts:

 Thank you for reading this.

Food peril in a modern world: Defending pickles & biscuits.

It probably won’t surprise any of you that the essential crapola in your refrigerator could kill you. The dangers du jour include: 1) overpriced cheese contaminated with Listeria courtesy of Whole Foods; 2) more than 50,000 pounds of ground beef at your favorite warehouse club store contaminated with E.coli bacteria; and 3) bagged salad containing the popular mix of romaine, iceberg lettuce and cyclospora parasites. Although the salad in item three has (so far) poisoned 350 people in 15 states, the FDA can’t exactly tell you which brand of bagged salad to avoid because it actually might be ALL of them.

From my viewpoint, the only safe and healthy meal left on planet earth is PICKLES & BISCUITS, my all-time favorite feast for every occasion. I refer specifically to easy little drop biscuits made from CarbQuik and water (the recipe’s on the box) and juicy Ba-Tampte half-sour pickles. If you care, I have to order my pickles from the KC Kosher Co-op because grocery stores in Dallas don’t sell anything Jewish. You can’t even find a stupid yahrzeit candle around here.

Big news, people ... I applied for my Social Security retirement benefits today! This makes it official: I’m a card-carrying, bona fide OLD LADY now, complete with a cane, corrective shoes, a monthly Social Security check and a leaky bladder. Tonight’s requisite celebration will include a bowl of chia seed pudding and the latest episode of “Project Runway.”

I’ve got a full and happy life. And (as always) another batch of new fonts.

Thank you for reading this.

If I were you, I’d sleep with one eye open tonight.

You know how it is. Some Saturdays are better than others. For Sam and me, though, today was PERFECT. We slept like a couple of rocks last night, woke up early and drove to the other end of town for dim sum at Hong Kong Royal, which included lots of hot sauce, nice waitresses and unlimited napkins. This was so much fun I almost couldn’t stand it.

Our perfect Saturday didn’t end here, however. When we got home we watched two deliciously shitty movies, Irwin Allen’s Five Weeks in a Balloon (1962) starring a typical gang a 1960s actors looking for a fast paycheck, and The Blob (1958) starring Steve McQueen, Helen Crump and a wad of homicidal caramel. We’ll discuss Five Weeks in a Balloon first.

It’s amazing how thoroughly Irwin Allen can destroy a story with possibilities, this time a 19th century Jules Verne classic about a bunch of Brits ballooning over Africa. The characters are all cartoonish — especially Peter Lorre as a fake Arab with crappy sprayed-on makeup and Billy Gilbert doing his old-time radio sneezing shtick — and the females are always helpless, half-dressed and “in distress.” And we definitely didn’t need Fabian singing the title song three times with an accordion.

And now The Blob, a late 1950s sci-fi flop that introduced the world to Steve McQueen. Steve was almost 30 when he made this film but was cast as a teenager alongside deadpan Aneta Corsaut (whose next big break was Helen Crump in “The Andy Griffith Show”) and an amorphous mass of oozing caramel trying to take over their town. They finally manage to get the man-eating caramel under control by freezing it with fire extinguishers, then asking the U.S. government to haul it by air to the Arctic circle to keep it frozen forever.

Unfortunately, people, global warming may do the unthinkable. If I were you, I’d sleep with one eye open tonight.

Here’s a little something from our Fun with Beverages department! For those of you with a little too much time on your hands the Howdygram is pleased to include the following educational video courtesy of Foodbeast.com. I actually want to try this.

Two more things to cap off my perfect Saturday. First, MORE NEW FONTS! I totally love some of these, particularly Avalanche, Cocktail Script, Emblem Chief and all those cool ampersands.

Second, I think I’ll head back to the family room now with Sam to watch Key Largo (1948) starring Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall accompanied by chocolate soy milk and a bowl of green olives. (The soy milk and olives are mine. Poor Sam is not a gourmet.)

It’s time to give up on the Olympics.

There’s a lot of hot breaking news to report tonight! The top stories from Howdygram headquarters are: 1) FedEx just dropped off our gigantic crate of sausages from Kreuz Market; 2) my lousy health issues are finally on the mend, including the lousy plantar fasciitis flare-up in my right heel and lousy joint pain due to an overdose of chia seeds; 3) I have 15 new fonts (see below); and 4) I can’t think of anything else.

In case you haven’t been paying attention, there was a coup today in Egypt! President Mohamed Morsi, pictured at right, has been placed under house arrest by throngs of screaming Egyptians, and Adly Mansour, head of Egypt’s Supreme Constitutional Court, is the new interim big cheese. Since I have no idea what the hell any of this means, the Howdygram’s official position will simply be HOLY CRAP until we can figure out what going on besides hysteria and cool fireworks.

From our Send in the Clowns department, on July 8 Governor Rick “Oops” Perry, the laughingstock of Texas, will announce his official 2016 run for the White House, thereby guaranteeing another landslide win for the Democrats and unlimited material for comedy writers from coast to coast.

I have no idea who’s advising this Einstein to get back onto the national stage, but it’s extremely clear here at home that the good people of Texas are sick of Rick Perry and his right-wing Christian Taliban. His message to America — providing he remembers the script — will be terrifying. Be sure to pay attention, okay?

Our foreign news desk reports that Islamist Chechen rebels have threatened to destroy, shit on and generally ruin the 2014 Olympics in Sochi, Russia, promising to use “every method provided by Allah” and “maximum force.” Know what? Any country that decides to show up for that debacle deserves what it gets. Islamic terrorists are deadly enough when we don’t know what they’re planning … can you imagine the mayhem when they announce this crap in advance? I wouldn’t go anywhere near that place, either as an athlete or a spectator. Good Lord.

Which brings me to my next point: I think it’s time to give up on the Olympics altogether. Host countries go bankrupt trying to outdo each other with outrageous infrastructure, the expense of massive stadiums, and venues for specific sports that nobody will ever use again. Plus there’s the security aspect, with morons and evildoers always threatening to pee in everybody’s Cheerios. I’m sick of the whole thing. Face it, does anybody really give a crap how fast some dude from Norway can hurl himself down the side of a mountain?

Yeah, I didn’t think so.

I sincerely apologize for using the word “fucked.”

There’s so much news tonight I almost don’t know where to start. I’m thinking a simple list might work best, so here goes.

1. We have a huge crack in the bay window in our master bedroom. Sam is guessing it probably happened yesterday by accident — an airborne rock? — when the weekly landscaper dudes were here mowing and trimming our lawn. Holy crap.
2. Wal-Mart reshipped my busted jars of green olives (see earlier post).
3. We’re taking our Saturn to Pep Boys this week for a new battery, wheel alignment and tires. No matter what it costs, this is still way cheaper than buying another car.
4. Our refi closing has been scheduled for June 25 at 10 a.m. here at Howdygram headquarters. Do you think anybody expects me to serve cookies?
5. Tomorrow’s assorted deliveries from Wal-Mart and Amazon will include Tone body wash, 12 bags of Planters Fruit & Nut Trail Mix, McCormick flavor extracts, a case of wintergreen TicTacs, Loma Linda fake meat in a can, a three-plug swivel outlet, Heinz sugar-free ketchup and Crisco sticks. Is this exciting, or what?
6. I had leftover Chinese food for dinner tonight and Chia Seed Pudding for dessert. I love my life.

Another day, another ulcer. Tonight I’d like to introduce the Howdygram’s first-ever Putz of the Week TWINS … another pair of far-right douchebag lawmakers obsessed with women’s reproductive rights, as if it’s any of their business! Say howdy to GOP congressmen Bob Goodlatte of Virginia and Michael Burgess of Texas.

Let’s begin with Burgess, m’kay? He’s a proponent of the bogus “Pain-Capable Infant Protection Act,” which proposes to ban abortions after 20 weeks because he’s convinced that the clump of cells in your uterus can feel pain. He also believes the aforementioned clump can feel pleasure, because fetuses of the male persuasion — i.e., boys — are already masturbating as early as 15 weeks. In the womb. Seriously. I wish somebody would explain why can’t we impeach politicans for introducing horseshit legislation based on religion, fantasy or CRAP SCIENCE.

As for Bob Goodlatte, he stood up in Congress yesterday to support Burgess’ misogynist baloney with this statement: “It is time to welcome your children who can feel pain to the human family.”

Although the Howdygram’s official platform should be well-known to our regular readers by now, in case you’re new around here I think the late George Carlin said it best:

Boy, these conservatives are really something, aren’t they? They’re all in favor of the unborn. They will do anything for the unborn. But once you’re born, you’re on your own. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. After that, they don’t want to know about you. They don’t want to hear from you. No nothing. No neonatal care, no day care, no Head Start, no school lunches, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. If you’re preborn, you’re fine; if you’re preschool, you’re fucked.

George really nailed it, didn’t he? Incidentally, I sincerely apologize for using the word “fucked” even though I firmly believe it’s the most expressive (and appropriate) word in the English language.

Just in case you’re wondering if I’m ready to show off any more new fonts, here are my latest acquisitions for your possible interest. The one that’s second from the bottom is a dingbat font of really cool arrows. Because a girl can never have too many cool arrows.

Thank you for reading this. Now let’s get on with our lives, okay?

Fonts, twisters and corrective shoes.

That sound you hear in the background? THUNDER and TORRENTIAL RAIN! We’ve got a huge weather system grinding across the Dallas metro area tonight with a tornado watch until 1 a.m. This is an exciting development since there hasn’t been any measurable rainfall around here for months. As a matter of fact, I might stand outside on the driveway for a while and do Marcy’s famous Welcome Dance, which includes cane-waving, complicated footwork in corrective shoes and an original song. Also snacks.

Sam just called from work to tell me that downtown Dallas is in the middle of an imminent tornado threat and he’s evacuating the office. His preferred safety hangout during weather emergencies is the underground parking garage with a bottle of Perrier. On the following map you’ll note the big red scary blob over downtown Dallas and the fact that it’s all moving straight for Howdygram headquarters in Mesquite. Oy!

On Friday we’ll be heading 40 miles northeast to a medical center in Greenville, Texas, called Eyeballs-R-Us, where Sam is scheduled for cataract surgery at noon. On the way back I figure we can stop in Rockwall for a late lunch if Sam feels like eating something because there are lots of nice restaurants on I-30. The map below indicates: A) Howdygram headquarters; and B) Eyeballs-R-Us in Greenville.

To cheer myself up during this current weather crisis I decided to help myself to an additional supply of new fonts because two billion is never enough. Here they are in case you give a crap. I’m especially excited about all those cute smiley-faces plus the “catchwords” font at the bottom of the left column with all the fancy-schmancy articles and prepositions. Isn’t life wonderful sometimes?

I should unplug my computer now in case there’s a twister on the way. Thanks for stopping by tonight and don’t forget to turn out the light when you’re done here.

If you ever see these miserable things on a shelf in the supermarket, run like hell.

Before I begin blogging about other less-important subjects I’d like to report that my adorable hero Sam successfully unclogged the kitchen sink when he got home from work Thursday night (see previous post) and the 2013 Kelp Noodle Disaster is now a distant memory.

Do yourself a favor. If you ever see these miserable things on a shelf in the supermarket, RUN LIKE HELL.

Friday was an up and down day around here, a description that refers specifically to my blood glucose numbers and ongoing whacked-out body temperature issues. I’ll try to keep it brief because you’re probably getting as bored with this crap as I am.

At 5 a.m. I wake up to go to the bathroom, which happens at least once every night to female senior citizens like yours truly, but on my way down the hall I’m disoriented, intoxicated and clammy — typical symptoms of hypoglycemia — so I end up in the study testing my blood sugar and find out I’ve hit an all-new low at 42. I chomp a couple of Wal-Mart glucose tablets (tasty!) and download a few new fonts until I feel steady enough to go back to bed. Later in the morning during a period of general achy crappiness I check my temperature: another personal best at 95.3°. Sam gets all panicky and decides our thermometer has to be broken because people who are not cadavers should have a body temperature considerably higher than that, so he goes to the drug store and comes home with a new one. Five minutes later I prove the old one wasn’t broken at all. Oy.

The aforementioned new fonts appear below. I love the arrows!

Saturday got off to a much better start, thank God, due to a couple of quick yet thorough Internet shopping excursions that included: 1) six cans of Folger’s hazelnut coffee from Soap.com; and 2) laundry essentials and two boxes of Mexican Velveeta from Wal-Mart. Incidentally, I’m trying Tide Pods for the very first time. The fact that I can’t wait is starting to scare me.

Since the Republican party has already launched its 2016 race to the White House, as evidenced by Rand Paul’s futile quote on MSNBC this morning that “Benghazi should stop Hillary Clinton from ever holding higher office” and the announcement of yet another round of desperate GOP-fueled Congressional Benghazi hearings, the Howdygram would like to set the record straight. Sure, four Americans were killed last fall in the attack on our embassy in Benghazi, Libya, but the GOP’s anger is a smoke screen and a bunch of BALONEY HORSESHIT as illustrated by the graphic below.

Thank you for reading this.

Hi. I feel like a miserable heap of poo.

As I sit here contemplating my next meal I realize that a diabetic senior citizen such as yours truly desperately needs a decent night’s sleep far more than she needs a meatloaf. Lately I’ve been sleeping badly. Very badly indeed. I’ve been taking an increased dose of my prescribed sleep aid — Trazodone — for the last week or so, and this definitely is NOT working out for me. I just sent an email to Dr. M to let her know I’ve got some irritating side effects that are ruining rather than aiding my ability to sleep at night, including: 1) relentless itching; 2) nervousness; 3) increased tingling and electric shocks (from neuropathy) in my hands and feet; 4) headaches; 5) diminished sense of taste; and 5) muscle pain. It’s 8:30 in the morning, I had NO SLEEP last night and I feel like a miserable heap of poo. I’m not even interested in Mongolian chicken. Holy crap.

While I find a way to survive this latest adventure in Diabetesland I’m thinking maybe you’d like to check out the new fonts that I downloaded last night. I love these! My favorites of the bunch are Zap Raygun, Zoink Fat, Val Stencil and Static. I have billions of these silly things now. I DON’T KNOW HOW TO STOP.

While I wash a load of sheets please click here to sign Organizing for Action’s petition to hold the right-wing anti-science Neanderthals in Congress accountable for denying the proven facts of climate change. (Organizing for Action is President Obama’s political action committee. I’m a charter member because I donated ten bucks.) Thank you for putting up with me.

You already know what underwear looks like.

Hi, people. In case you missed it, there was an unexpected burst of manicky energy at Howdygram headquarters today! Sam began first thing this morning by emptying the garbage cans in every room of the house, taking our Hyundai for an oil change and car wash, helping me hang up a pile of clean clothes, and then making a bunch of highly successful phone calls — everybody actually picked up! — regarding: 1) what’s the latest status of our mortgage re-fi with Wells Fargo; 2) scheduling Sunnyvale Fence to fix our back yard gate; 3) requesting an extra weed treatment from our landscaping contractor; and 4) hiring a nice neighborhood handyman for a variety of thrilling early summer projects, including a quote for solar screens for the family room, master bath and master bedroom. He’s coming over on Wednesday.

As for yours truly, I’m folding underwear, downloading fonts and thinking about dinner. It’s a full life, isn’t it? The aforementioned fonts are pictured below for your possible interest. (You already know what underwear looks like.)

My favorites here include Rambler Script, Kamden, Kon Tiki Lounge and Ruach. Kosher ain’t too bad, either.

In the spirit of brightening up Howdygramland for spring I ordered a couple of clever convenience products this afternoon from Amazon.

These are both really nice polished chrome over-the-cabinet whatnots by InterDesign, a company that manufactures a lot of excellent yet cheap household crapola. I already own a number of their products, including drawer organizers, lucite pantry stacking thingies and the new shower caddy in our master bathroom. In case you’re wondering, the plastic bag holder goes inside the cabinet and the kitchen towel bar will go outside, except you shouldn’t use both on the same door. (Duh.) I’m excited enough to make Five-Minute Stupid Soup for dinner and low-carb biscuits!

And finally, here’s a photo from our People in Glass Houses department that clearly illustrates why you should never dive into a pool without water.

Thank you for reading this. Seriously.

I’m sick of snotty clients and other late-night confessions.

It’s very early Sunday morning — okay, just past midnight on Saturday night — and I’M SICK OF SNOTTY CLIENTS. I refer specifically to one in particular who knows less than nothing about the Internet, and then after I spend two hours updating her stupid website she sends an insulting email suggesting that I’m SENILE. She says I didn’t make even one of the website edits she requested but had the gall to charge her $100. As a result she’s “sincerely concerned” that I must be experiencing health problems and no longer have adequate marbles to continue as a designer. I write back that every stinking edit was completed yesterday exactly as requested, and if she’d take a minute to clear the cache on her browser — which I suggested 24 hours ago when I told her everything was finished — she’d be able see the changes for herself. I thanked her for being concerned about my health but suggested that she hire a middle-school student to explain the basics of the Internet.

Holy crap, people. Let’s move on.

Today’s exciting featured purchase is from HSN.com, where I ordered myself the following really cool kitchen accessory! It’s a black steel rolling island/cart by Origami with a nice fat butcher block top and a couple of swell shelves. The whole thing folds up teeny to store in a closet if you want to, but I already know I won’t want to because I can’t get around any more without a cane and it’s practically impossible to carry multiple items one-handed from the pantry to the counter to the refrigerator and so on. I’ve been needing a kitchen helper, and now I’ve got one!

This cart was a Saturday-only “Show Stopper” special at $50 off the regular price, and HSN’s website shows 340 five-star customer reviews. Even better, it holds up to 275 pounds so I can give Sam a ride whenever he wants one!

Saturday was exceedingly stupid around here. After a moderately lousy night due to knee pain I eventually managed to sleep until 10:45 this morning followed immediately by a depressing early lunch. The key word here is “depressing” because my taste buds were shot to hell. This is yet another sporadic yet severely annoying form of diabetic neuropathy whereby food has no flavor whatsoever even when you bury it in salt and hot sauce. (I know, I’ve tried.) So around 12:30 p.m., feeling miserable, I slumped onto the chaise in the family room and SLEPT FOR FIVE AND A HALF HOURS. When I woke up at 6 my taste buds were about 75% improved just in time for dinner, for which I was eternally grateful.

As I write this post I’m enjoying a tall Coke Zero and a chewy Atkins low-carb Dark Chocolate Decadence snack bar, pictured below. These bars are mighty tasty but can be a real challenge for an older person with dentures. Trust me, you have to eat  v-e-r-y   s-l-o-w-l-y.

In case you’re wondering if I’ve downloaded any more new fonts, here they are! Incidentally, if you like any of these — or any of the other new fonts I’ve posted from time to time — please let me know (click here) and I’ll be glad to send them to you. They’re all in TrueType or OpenType format and a lot of them include an assortment of different styles (light, regular, semi-bold, bold, black, italic, and so on). However I realize that very few people give a crap about this besides me.

Wow, it’s really late. If I don’t get some sleep I’ll be too tired to go out for lunch today with Sam! Thank you for reading this.

Don’t get hysterical. Mister Furry is a faux mink blanket.

Hello. It’s me, Marcy, and I’m freezing. I’ve got this crazy hypothermic body temperature thing again — 95.6° last time I checked — and I’m so damn cold I can’t even get comfortable in bed. I figure I’ll just sit here for a while and write a Howdygram post, but eventually I plan to migrate into the family room and spend the rest of the night on the chaise with Mister Furry. (Don’t get hysterical. Mister Furry is a faux mink blanket.)

FYI, the hypothermia issue is one of the many symptoms of diabetic neuropathy. Trust me, all of them suck.

Know what? I’ve finally given up on those crappy Schwan’s chicken whatnots mentioned in my last post. Even the best sugar-free teriyaki sauce on the planet couldn’t help them. On Wednesday I’m handing them back to our delivery doofus (that’s his actual job title) when he brings our next order and asking for a refund. I never want to see those miserable things again for the rest of my life.

I thought I’d share the following video that I found last night on Gawker.com. It’s a Puerto Rican TV news anchor who has a Bruce Almighty moment on the air and apparently goes insane. (It doesn’t matter if you don’t understand Spanish. Neither do I.) Check it out.

In case you’ve never seen Bruce Almighty, here’s that comparable scene with Steve Carrell and Jim Carrey. The first time I saw this I almost wet my pants.

Before I finally get some sleep (it’s almost 3:30 in the morning) I thought I’d post my latest haul of free fonts, most of them downloaded on Saturday morning while Sam was at Costco buying pistachios, parmesan cheese, beef jerky and sushi.

Thank you for reading this.