You can listen to CDs, not wear a brassiere and eat TicTacs at the same time!

In this post: Hypoglycemia, Election Day, fashion disasters.

You probably haven’t noticed but I look lousy right now. I’ve had a couple of major hypoglycemic episodes today and I’m so damn tired I could probably sleep for a decade. It’s a tempting thought. (I might have to tweeze my eyebrows first.)

Let’s have a couch picnic with the Olympics.

In this post: Italian fashion, Chinese food.

Here’s some fashion news courtesy of our The Best Thing From Italy Is Still Pepperoni department. On Thursday night designer Jeremy Scott showed his first collection for Moschino at Milan Fashion Week, inspired by food wrappers, an ode to Sponge Bob Squarepants and a Chanel-style McDonald’s uniform for cheeseburger stylists ... complete with tray and visor. I wonder if any of these are available in plus sizes because I’d sure look hot at the Mesquite Senior Center in that Sponge Bob romper! A variety of representative runway photos appears below.

Chocolate marshmallow pumpkins!

In this post: A mail-order food orgy, fashions from hell, understanding the Second Amendment.

It’s another peculiar day at Howdygram headquarters. After being awake most of the night with electric shocks in my hands and feet (damn neuropathy) I succumbed to a luxurious two-hour nap commencing at noon followed by a late lunch that featured braunschweiger on low-carb toast and half a glass of sugar-free vanilla soy milk with an ice cube in it. So far so good, right?

Glucose tablets. I need glucose tablets!

In this post: Desperately Seeking Szechuan, the fashions of Thom Browne.

Howdy, foodies! In case you’re curious, last night’s dessert got derailed temporarily. I didn’t have a chance to bake that low-carb cake with the mountain of white fluffy frosting (see previous post) because first I had to: 1) make biscuits and chicken salad for dinner; 2) eat biscuits and chicken salad for dinner; 3) clean up the kitchen; 4) take a nice hot shower; and 5) complete all previous items within a specific time frame in order to participate in a Marks family conference call at 9 to talk about Sam’s mom considering a move to assisted living. (Looks like she’s definitely going to do it. Smart decision!)

Mazel tov. I just won my own Einstein Award.

In this post: Creatures in the night, a shopping spree, models on the runway.

Here’s a new twist, people. I get up at 5:15 this morning for a routine bathroom junket but don’t quite realize I’m in the middle of a low blood sugar episode when I squint down the hall in the dark (well, except for a night-light) and think I see a muskrat hiding under the area rug outside the laundry room door. (Actually, I’m guessing it’s either a muskrat or a very young hyena.) In a panic I manage to wake Sam and convince him to go on safari with me, but by the time we get halfway there I figure out that the rug is a bunched up and casting a lumpy shadow on the wall, so the whole stupid hoo-hah is just a pathetic hypoglycemic hallucination. Oy, right? Looks like I officially win my own Howdygram Einstein Award!

Fashion Week gems from around the world.

Happy Saturday from your friends in north Texas, where the weather’s overcast, wet and primarily crappy. We’re expecting 24 hours like this but nobody cares because we haven’t had rain here for weeks. Incidentally, the pink star on the map below denotes Howdygram headquarters. If you zoom in a little you’ll note that Sam is eating pistachios and I haven’t brushed my hair. (I apologize for the second half of that sentence.)

I’m confused today by two great mysteries of life. Can anybody explain how a person who spends no time outdoors winds up with two MOSQUITO BITES on her arm? Or why that severe pain in my hip (see yesterday’s post) actually turned out to be a PULLED MUSCLE even though I don’t exercise, I don’t do any heavy lifting and I don’t engage in any visible activity whatsoever unless it involves eating, typing or folding socks? Holy crap, people, this just doesn’t make sense.

And finally, I’d like to share the following images from recent runway fashion shows around the world even though we didn’t really need additional proof that shit sells. I think my favorite is the dude in the bottom row with the mouth jewelry, fluffy vest and lucite jock strap. It’s what everybody wants this year for Hanukkah!

It’s lunch time. Thank y’all for reading this!

Presenting ugly crap from fashion week events around the world.

Innumerable exciting activities have been happening around here today. They include, in no particular order: 1) eating half a bag of potato chips for breakfast; 2) our quarterly outdoor pest control treatment (holy crap, Texas has a lot of bugs); 3) watching Finian’s Rainbow (1968) starring Fred Astaire and Petula Clark; 4) unpacking yesterday’s delivery from the Asian Food Grocer; and 5) making the bed.

Regarding item #3, Finan’s Rainbow is a stupid story with fantastic songs, and the only reason I bothered to watch is because we sang the entire score in choir my last year of high school and I know all the words. And also because it’s Fred Astaire’s last musical and I love Fred Astaire.

In case many of you may have thought otherwise, I’ve got ample proof that Einsteins exist in the fashion industry as illustrated by the following photos from fashion week events around the world. Does anybody really buy this ugly crap?

Does anybody have exciting plans for the weekend? We have nothing scheduled whatsoever except for Sam’s annual free birthday brunch on Sunday at Blue Mesa, where they’ve got the best southwestern food on the planet with really nice servers like Al, who’s our favorite. Al brings Sam extra grapefruit juice and never lets me run out of ice tea.

I think I’d better rustle up some grub because I’m awfully hungry right now. I’ve got a craving for a couple of Schwan’s spicy chicken things with cole slaw and a few Vlasic sugar-free sweet pickles. I’m living the good life here at Howdygram headquarters!

Highlights from Kazakhstan Fashion Week.

With torrential rain less than 10 minutes away I thought I’d write a quickie post before I curl up in the family room with a movie and a bowl of homemade soup that smells so good I almost can’t stand it. The red star on the map below indicates Howdygram headquarters, and all that crazy weather is moving to the northeast and heading straight for Mesquite. I plan to keep my feet dry no matter what.

It’s NOT just Paris and New York! And now for the fashionistas among you, here’s a peek at six designer runway shows from Fashion Week events around the world. Kazakhstan? Who knew! The designer’s name appears under each photo. (Frankly, I’d be too embarrassed to admit it.)

Nice touch with the slurpee eye cups, Frankenstein shoulder pads and that plaid jock strap. Much like modern art and all that B.S. about beauty and the eye of the beholder, the photos above offer ample proof that “shit sells.” (In Kazakhstan, anyway.)

I need soup. Thank you for stopping by.