I received two cans of Bisto today from Amazon.com. Bisto is a British product ... intensely popular instant fake gravy granules comprised of seasoned chemicals that you mix into a cup of boiling water. Bisto will make almost anything taste better, such as styrofoam, corrugated cardboard or Schwan’s Chicken Patties, which are basically pre-chewed chicken nuggets on steroids (see below). Bisto is available in a variety of flavors. I bought “Favourite,” which makes a dark brown gravy that pretends to be beef but doesn’t exactly taste like it, and “Chicken,” which should be self-explanatory. (It’s yellow.)
Here’s a story I read this morning on ABC’s news website about a drag queen superstar Tupperware lady in Long Island named Aunt Barbara. She was the company’s top consultant in North America last year, selling more than $250,000 worth of Tupperware’s overpriced plastics and earning a 2011 Fort Mustang convertible and a trip to Hawaii.
While I wait for Sam to get home from work I think I’ll make a Goofy Fruity Shake and hang out in the family room to watch tonight’s episodes of “Hardcore Pawn” and “Tabatha Takes Over.” You’re welcome to join me but bring your own straw, okay?