Sam and I always select our frozen crapola as a couple.

In this post: Costco, a Friday agenda, Doris Day.

It’s 10:30 Friday morning as I write this post and Sam is headed to Costco for our favorite weekly provisions, such as: 1) teeny chicken tacos; 2) breakfast burritos; 3) a lot of fresh blackberries; and 4) frozen crapola to be determined. For the record, Sam promised to call from the frozen food section so we can select our crapola as a couple. I haven’t been to Costco for a long time and don’t know what’s what any more.

Goodwill doesn’t want your used typefaces.

In this post: Purging, bragging, putting.

I’ve decided to simplify my life. A couple of hours ago I deleted 363 fonts I’ve never used because they’re hideous, and if I give the situation some additional thought I could probably dig up 363 more. This is a pleasant activity and I highly recommend it. It’s a lot like cleaning out a closet except Goodwill doesn’t want your used typefaces.

“Millionaire Matchmaker” is a Howdygram favorite.

In this post: Folding socks, matching millionaires.

I regret to report that very, very few of you have volunteered for the Howdygram’s Friday the 13th after-hours sock-folding party.

Okay, technically none of you volunteered, but there’s still plenty of time to do the right thing. Click here to reserve your spot now! As a bonus, we’re serving a large volume of nutritious yet tasty snacks — canned Vienna sausages, soy milk, low-carb rye bread and dill pickles — with your choice of a quality Doris Day movie or last night’s episode of “Millionaire Matchmaker” on Bravo. Thank you in advance for your valuable participation.

My house is so spotless you could do brain surgery on the kitchen floor.

I’ve got a pile of unrelated topics to string together for tonight’s Howdygram post, so bear with me.

To begin, my biweekly maid service was here this afternoon and did another truly outstanding job. Isidra works alone now (she used to come with a partner) so her cleaning session takes about an hour and half longer than before, but I don’t mind because she’s really nice, very industrious and doesn’t get in my way. At 4 p.m. she was outside on the patio scrubbing my silk plants and trees, and next time (two weeks from today) she wants to CLEAN THE INSIDE OF MY REFRIGERATOR. Holy crap, I’m so excited about this I might faint! My house is so spotless you could do brain surgery on the kitchen floor. Except I wish you wouldn’t. Thank you.

From our Extinct Musicians department comes this story about the Dave Clark Five, who were part of the infamous “British invasion” back in the early 1960s. Apparently they performed together for 12 years but had pretty much vanished from the U.S. pop charts by 1967. And now they seem to be vanishing for real, as only two of the original members are still alive.

Denis Payton died in 2006, Mike Smith in 2008, and Rick Huxley died yesterday. I realize you may not give a crap about any of this, but these dudes are only eight or nine years older than I am and they’re all dying from ordinary old-people illnesses like cancer and emphysema, not from drugs, AIDS or orgies. (Do people die from orgies?)

In case you don’t know — or don’t remember — who these people are, here’s a 1964 video clip of their first big hit, “Glad All Over.” Dave Clark is on the drums; frontman Mike Smith (pictured above) is on the keyboard. This is the first time I’ve heard this song in maybe 45 years but I remembered every word the minute they started singing. I must be a genius.

All of a sudden this month I’ve got a steady stream of new graphic design business coming in, including: 1) a brochure project for a bridal consultant in Virginia; 2) a new website for a caterer in South Carolina; and 3) business cards and a redesigned website for a photographer in Colorado. I’m feeling a little overwhelmed by all the attention. How come I can’t retire already? Why do people keep throwing money at me? And when will I ever find the time to make another pot of Stupid Soup? Incidentally, if you’d like to check out the redesigned website mentioned in item 3, click here.

Know what? I’ve got a ton of great television recorded on my DVR! In addition to “Top Chef” tonight and “Project Runway” tomorrow, I still have to finish “Dallas” from Monday night, three episodes of “People’s Court,” two weeks of “Millionaire Matchmaker” and four “Hardcore Pawn” reruns. I don’t know what to watch first ... although a nice Irene Dunne movie comes to mind, such as I Remember Mama or My Favorite Wife.

Time to warm up in the shower before Sam gets home. I’m freezing tonight.

Mongolian Chicken to the rescue.

I got bored with the Eagles/Vikings game tonight so I took a hot shower and switched to a couple of my favorite guilty pleasures ... an order of Mongolian Chicken and a trashy episode of “Millionaire Matchmaker” on Bravo.

In case you’re not familiar with “Millionaire Matchmaker,” each week Patti Stanger helps arrange dates for superficial rich misfits with strange clothes and no social skills. Her clients are all millionaires. The men, regardless of their age, are mostly fixated on blondes and breasts. The women only want George Clooney. After an hour of this unbelievable crap I am more grateful than ever for Sam.

And speaking of Sam, I just found out he’s working late again tonight so I guess I’ll just watch a Debbie Reynolds movie I recorded a couple of days ago — “The Mating Game” with Tony Randall — and make one of my world-famous Goofy Fruity Shakes (see recipe). Thank you for reading this.

Good news for a Wednesday morning.

Remember when I promised to post some news after my follow-up doctor appointment yesterday? Well, I lied. Everything took way longer than I expected because the office was surprisingly busy and then my stupid vein kept shutting down when the phlebotomist tried to draw six tubes of blood. I was so happy to finally get the hell out of there I didn’t want to think about doctors or drugs or needles for the rest of the day.

In any event, the appointment went well, and I’m pleased to report that I’m not dying of an exotic blood disorder. As soon Dr. Meyrat receives this latest round of lab results she’ll prescribe whatever I need. Apparently what’s causing all this are very low iron and vitamin D levels, a paralyzed thyroid gland (my interpretation) and low hemoglobin and hematocrit ... even though I’ve been assured that I’m NOT suffering from cirrhosis of the liver or sickle cell anemia. Believe it or not, I actually feel quite healthy right now. And a week ago Dr. Meyrat adjusted some of my maintenance meds (discontinued two and started two new ones) and a whole list of annoying long-term side effects disappeared almost overnight. Once I start taking thryoid medication I’ll feel even BETTER.

In other news, does anybody ever watch “Millionaire Matchmaker” on Bravo? What an idiotic reality show. For those of you who’ve never seen it, Patti owns an L.A.-based matchmaker service for millionaires who can’t find love ... most of them men with abundant personality and grooming issues. Eventually Patti hosts a cocktail reception to introduce each client to a roomful of potential “matches,” which consists of a crowd of eager twentysomethings dressed up like the Real Housewives of Orange County ... usually platinum blondes with spray tans and silicone implants. Every show also includes a scene with Patti in a rage when a client typically picks a bimbo instead of a woman of quality. My thought is, how can he tell the difference? THEY ALL LOOK LIKE CALL GIRLS.

Thank you for reading this.