In this post: Insomnia, barfy images.
4:13 A.M. It’s the middle of the night and I can’t sleep again, although this time I think I’ll blame my predicament on way too many Saturday naps. There were THREE. (Oy.)
Showing posts with label Sunday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sunday. Show all posts
Sunday, May 25, 2014
Monday, April 28, 2014
I got all dressed up with shoes and a brassiere.
In this post: A new low, musical memories, baloney with olives.
Sunday got away from me, people. Following a severe low blood sugar episode Friday night during which — how can I put this delicately? — I was minutes away from a HYPOGLYCEMIC COMA, I spent most of Saturday and all day Sunday indulging in copious amounts of sleep because that’s how a body responds to shitty diabetic experiences: WITH TOTAL EXHAUSTION. However we did have an opportunity to enjoy a couple of fine movies this weekend: Hans Christian Andersen (1952) starring Danny Kaye and The Muse (1999) starring Albert Brooks and Sharon Stone.
Sunday got away from me, people. Following a severe low blood sugar episode Friday night during which — how can I put this delicately? — I was minutes away from a HYPOGLYCEMIC COMA, I spent most of Saturday and all day Sunday indulging in copious amounts of sleep because that’s how a body responds to shitty diabetic experiences: WITH TOTAL EXHAUSTION. However we did have an opportunity to enjoy a couple of fine movies this weekend: Hans Christian Andersen (1952) starring Danny Kaye and The Muse (1999) starring Albert Brooks and Sharon Stone.
Monday, April 7, 2014
Mickey Rooney died yesterday at age 93 even though practically nobody realized he was still alive.
In this post: A powerhouse, a Putz.
Hey, did you miss me yesterday? I decided to take a day off from Howdygrammin’ and spent my entire Sunday in various stages of sloth ... sleeping, eating, watching old movies and occasional combinations of all three. Monday, though, started off with more promise, waking up at 5 and spending the next three hours at my desk swallowing pills, drinking flat leftover Coke Zero from last night and sneezing.
Hey, did you miss me yesterday? I decided to take a day off from Howdygrammin’ and spent my entire Sunday in various stages of sloth ... sleeping, eating, watching old movies and occasional combinations of all three. Monday, though, started off with more promise, waking up at 5 and spending the next three hours at my desk swallowing pills, drinking flat leftover Coke Zero from last night and sneezing.
Sunday, March 23, 2014
Sunday night doldrums highlighted by bathing in the sink.
In this post: Redelivery, baby Sam, Plan B.
Hey, remember the damaged box from my last Netrition order (see previous post, paragraph titled “Sucky Reason #3”) that UPS never delivered on March 18? The tracking information on UPS’s website reads like “War and Peace” — check out the screen shot below — but apparently Netrition finally reshipped everything from upstate New York for overnight delivery TOMORROW. Wow, people, that’s one damn expensive shipment, considering the carton contains nine really heavy glass quart bottles of DaVinci sugar-free flavored syrups plus three boxes of chocolate bars, three bottles of sugar-free Thai chili sauce and a jar of Stevita sugar-free fake cherry Kool-Aid drink mix!
Hey, remember the damaged box from my last Netrition order (see previous post, paragraph titled “Sucky Reason #3”) that UPS never delivered on March 18? The tracking information on UPS’s website reads like “War and Peace” — check out the screen shot below — but apparently Netrition finally reshipped everything from upstate New York for overnight delivery TOMORROW. Wow, people, that’s one damn expensive shipment, considering the carton contains nine really heavy glass quart bottles of DaVinci sugar-free flavored syrups plus three boxes of chocolate bars, three bottles of sugar-free Thai chili sauce and a jar of Stevita sugar-free fake cherry Kool-Aid drink mix!
God willing and weather permitting I might clean out the freezer tonight.
In this post: Screaming, organizing, dining.
Know why I love the Howdygram? I CAN TYPE IN ALL CAPS* WHENEVER I WANT AND NOBODY’S ALLOWED TO GIVE ME ANY CRAP ABOUT IT. Caps are liberating. Try it sometime. It feels like you’re SCREAMING AT THE WORLD, and lately there’s plenty to scream about. For instance:
Know why I love the Howdygram? I CAN TYPE IN ALL CAPS* WHENEVER I WANT AND NOBODY’S ALLOWED TO GIVE ME ANY CRAP ABOUT IT. Caps are liberating. Try it sometime. It feels like you’re SCREAMING AT THE WORLD, and lately there’s plenty to scream about. For instance:
- Sam had to go to work today. On Sunday!
- Russia steals Crimea; NATO says Moldova is next (see below). Romney blames Obama.
- Missing airplanes.
- Killer mudslides.
- Exploding helicopters.
- An oil spill in Galveston Bay.
- The ebola virus is rampant in Guinea.
- Tiger Woods misses the Arnold Palmer Invitational.
Sunday, March 16, 2014
Breaking news from our Buy This Crap Fast Before the Price Goes Up department.
In this post: Hypoglycemia, hot dogs, emergency coffee, North Korea.
5:25 A.M. Oy. I’ve been awake for an hour and I’m a mess. My eyes are watering, I’ve got a nasal drip and my blood sugar is SCARY LOW (50) so I’ve been binge-eating Wal-Mart glucose tablets (the raspberry ones) for the last 20 minutes. I wish I had a Marcytini but this would involve a round-trip to the kitchen and I’m not sure I can walk that far because HYPOGLYCEMIA. So I’ll annoy you instead.
Sunday, February 2, 2014
Entertaining alternatives for Super Bowl Sunday.
In this post: No weather, Super Bowl alternatives.
You may be amused to learn that the HORRIBLE SUNDAY ICEPOCALYPSE forecast for Dallas by the lying sacks of poo at Weather.com didn’t materialize today after all. Sure, the temperature dropped, but the ice and sleet are nowhere near us and we really didn’t get any measurable rain, either. As usual, just a great big pile of ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. (Thanks, Obama.)
You may be amused to learn that the HORRIBLE SUNDAY ICEPOCALYPSE forecast for Dallas by the lying sacks of poo at Weather.com didn’t materialize today after all. Sure, the temperature dropped, but the ice and sleet are nowhere near us and we really didn’t get any measurable rain, either. As usual, just a great big pile of ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. (Thanks, Obama.)
Sunday, January 26, 2014
The GOP’s new campaign strategy? “We’re the party of the private sector.”
In this post: Putz of the Week, political observations.
Shalom and hi from north Texas! Sam is in the family room sleeping through Outbreak (1995) starring Dustin Hoffman, Morgan Freeman, Rene Russo and a monkey (see below) and I’m here in the study to do some Sunday evening Howdygrammin’. Incidentally, in case you’ve never seen Outbreak, it features a lot of fake medical officials in biohazard gear trying to find an infected primate plus the added bonus of a helicopter chase, people getting sick, a government cover-up and intense background music in Dolby sound at no extra charge.
Shalom and hi from north Texas! Sam is in the family room sleeping through Outbreak (1995) starring Dustin Hoffman, Morgan Freeman, Rene Russo and a monkey (see below) and I’m here in the study to do some Sunday evening Howdygrammin’. Incidentally, in case you’ve never seen Outbreak, it features a lot of fake medical officials in biohazard gear trying to find an infected primate plus the added bonus of a helicopter chase, people getting sick, a government cover-up and intense background music in Dolby sound at no extra charge.
Sunday, January 12, 2014
On being Queen Elizabeth.
In this post: Long live the Queen, feeding Sam.
A couple of days ago I discovered the ultimate luxury … a hair stylist who makes HOUSE CALLS. I’d been searching for one online off and on for quite a while because my frustrating mobility issues — plus the fact that I don’t have my own car any more — have made it almost impossible to get to a beauty salon for something as ordinary as a damn haircut. But then I discovered Hair by Noell, probably the only Caucasian “traveling stylist” in the Dallas metro area who doesn’t specialize in dreadlocks and weaves. She’s coming over on Thursday at 12:30 and I’m so excited I can’t stand it. What a revelation, people! I’m not a helpless senior citizen any more with plantar fasciitis, lousy knees and diabetic neuropathy … I’M QUEEN ELIZABETH WITH A PERSONAL HAIRDRESSER WHO COMES TO THE PALACE. Holy crap, right?
A couple of days ago I discovered the ultimate luxury … a hair stylist who makes HOUSE CALLS. I’d been searching for one online off and on for quite a while because my frustrating mobility issues — plus the fact that I don’t have my own car any more — have made it almost impossible to get to a beauty salon for something as ordinary as a damn haircut. But then I discovered Hair by Noell, probably the only Caucasian “traveling stylist” in the Dallas metro area who doesn’t specialize in dreadlocks and weaves. She’s coming over on Thursday at 12:30 and I’m so excited I can’t stand it. What a revelation, people! I’m not a helpless senior citizen any more with plantar fasciitis, lousy knees and diabetic neuropathy … I’M QUEEN ELIZABETH WITH A PERSONAL HAIRDRESSER WHO COMES TO THE PALACE. Holy crap, right?
Sunday, January 5, 2014
Naps, like canned tamales, can solve anything.
In this post: NFL playoffs, meaningful meatloaf, no laundry today, Sochi 2014.
I’m moping around with a bag of sugar-free Russell Stover peanut butter cups, trying to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my Sunday. Sam is at the office and won’t be home until around 7 Monday morning, which leaves me here at Howdygram headquarters with nobody to talk to and practically nothing to do. A few possibilities include: 1) starting a meaningful relationship with some leftover meatloaf; 2) laughing at the Packers and 49ers freezing their stupid asses off in Green Bay; 3) doing laundry, but I wouldn’t count on it; and 4) the season four premier of “Downton Abbey” tonight on PBS. I also might consider another nap because I’m slightly bored, my feet are cold and there’s no good reason not to. Naps, like canned tamales, can solve anything. Tell your friends.
I’m moping around with a bag of sugar-free Russell Stover peanut butter cups, trying to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my Sunday. Sam is at the office and won’t be home until around 7 Monday morning, which leaves me here at Howdygram headquarters with nobody to talk to and practically nothing to do. A few possibilities include: 1) starting a meaningful relationship with some leftover meatloaf; 2) laughing at the Packers and 49ers freezing their stupid asses off in Green Bay; 3) doing laundry, but I wouldn’t count on it; and 4) the season four premier of “Downton Abbey” tonight on PBS. I also might consider another nap because I’m slightly bored, my feet are cold and there’s no good reason not to. Naps, like canned tamales, can solve anything. Tell your friends.
Sunday, December 29, 2013
At no extra charge we also get the intriguing and ever-delightful Omar Sharif.
In this post: Sunday diversions, the jelly beans from hell.
It’s been another weird and sleepy day here at Howdygram headquarters. For the most part I’ve only managed to stay awake long enough to open a can of Dinty Moore beef stew and watch half of Lawrence of Arabia (1962) starring the late Peter O’Toole. (In reality this is even stranger than it sounds.)
It’s been another weird and sleepy day here at Howdygram headquarters. For the most part I’ve only managed to stay awake long enough to open a can of Dinty Moore beef stew and watch half of Lawrence of Arabia (1962) starring the late Peter O’Toole. (In reality this is even stranger than it sounds.)
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Disappointment and braunschweiger.
In this post: Crappy merchandise, a dinner dilemma.
The verdict is in, people. MY CRAPPY NEW OFFICE CHAIR IS GOING BACK TOMORROW. What a total disappointment after waiting three months for this damn thing on back order, then watching Sam assemble and disassemble it three times today trying to figure out why the angle of the seat (which isn’t adjustable) tilts so far forward that a handicapped senior citizen like yours truly has to put excessive pressure on her already-lousy knees to keep from sliding onto the floor. Holy mother of crap.
The verdict is in, people. MY CRAPPY NEW OFFICE CHAIR IS GOING BACK TOMORROW. What a total disappointment after waiting three months for this damn thing on back order, then watching Sam assemble and disassemble it three times today trying to figure out why the angle of the seat (which isn’t adjustable) tilts so far forward that a handicapped senior citizen like yours truly has to put excessive pressure on her already-lousy knees to keep from sliding onto the floor. Holy mother of crap.
Nothing relieves pain like a can of beef stew.
In this post: Unexpected naps, cheap eats.
It’s two hours before sunrise at Howdygram headquarters and I’m wide awake, the end result of two long and unexpected naps on Saturday, the second of which ended around 9 p.m. — Sam actually slept until 11:15 — followed by a ridiculously late dinner at midnight. Obviously we’re both upside-down but we don’t give a crap. We sleep when we’re tired and we eat when we’re hungry. AMERICA!
It’s two hours before sunrise at Howdygram headquarters and I’m wide awake, the end result of two long and unexpected naps on Saturday, the second of which ended around 9 p.m. — Sam actually slept until 11:15 — followed by a ridiculously late dinner at midnight. Obviously we’re both upside-down but we don’t give a crap. We sleep when we’re tired and we eat when we’re hungry. AMERICA!
Sunday, December 15, 2013
Sam has changed his name to Mister Productive today.
In this post: Wider is better, meet Mister Productive.
It’s entirely possible that some of you may not be aware that the Howdygram is 20 pixels wider today. While this might be no big deal to you whatsoever it’s a very big deal to me because 20 extra pixels can change a person’s life, and as soon as I think of a few examples you’ll be the first to know. Meanwhile, in case you don’t quite know what 20 pixels looks like you can check out the red box in the illustration below.
It’s entirely possible that some of you may not be aware that the Howdygram is 20 pixels wider today. While this might be no big deal to you whatsoever it’s a very big deal to me because 20 extra pixels can change a person’s life, and as soon as I think of a few examples you’ll be the first to know. Meanwhile, in case you don’t quite know what 20 pixels looks like you can check out the red box in the illustration below.
Sunday, December 8, 2013
I’m sorry if this post was boring. They can’t all win a Pulitzer.
In this post: Practically nothing.
SUNDAY, 6 P.M. We’re still ice-bound in north Texas and I can’t think of anything to write about. I’ve basically been sitting around the house like a slug since I got out of bed this morning with the exception of an afternoon nap on the chaise, during which I reclined for four hours under a fake mink blanket named Mister Furry. I didn’t even bother with a normal lunch and opted instead for insulin and potato chips. (Don’t call the diabetes police. I had a craving, okay?) I honestly don’t know if Sam ate anything at all today, although I vaguely remember watching him toast a bagel. Or maybe that was yesterday.
SUNDAY, 6 P.M. We’re still ice-bound in north Texas and I can’t think of anything to write about. I’ve basically been sitting around the house like a slug since I got out of bed this morning with the exception of an afternoon nap on the chaise, during which I reclined for four hours under a fake mink blanket named Mister Furry. I didn’t even bother with a normal lunch and opted instead for insulin and potato chips. (Don’t call the diabetes police. I had a craving, okay?) I honestly don’t know if Sam ate anything at all today, although I vaguely remember watching him toast a bagel. Or maybe that was yesterday.
Sunday, October 27, 2013
NorthPark Center is the biggest hoo-hah in Dallas for high-end shopping.
In this post: Not going out, not staying awake, not watching the Cowboys game.
We almost went someplace today until I changed my mind at the last minute. For the last couple of days Sam and I had tossed around a few ideas about an outing to snooty NorthPark Center in Dallas — I haven’t been to a mall in years! — with lunch at P.F. Chang’s near the south entrance. This could have worked out beautifully if I hadn’t accidentally slept until 11:30, thereby destroying any feasible opportunity to find a parking spot and get seated in the restaurant in advance of the Southern Baptist after-church horde. In other words, I really screwed us up.
We almost went someplace today until I changed my mind at the last minute. For the last couple of days Sam and I had tossed around a few ideas about an outing to snooty NorthPark Center in Dallas — I haven’t been to a mall in years! — with lunch at P.F. Chang’s near the south entrance. This could have worked out beautifully if I hadn’t accidentally slept until 11:30, thereby destroying any feasible opportunity to find a parking spot and get seated in the restaurant in advance of the Southern Baptist after-church horde. In other words, I really screwed us up.
Sunday, October 20, 2013
When Sam comes home I want to play with his feet.
In this post: Missing Sam, spy thrillers, leftovers.
Holy crap. It’s 6 p.m. on Sunday and I’m bored to death. Sam has been downtown at work since before breakfast (he left when I was still asleep) and probably won’t be home until sun-up on Monday. I have no idea how he does this, but I know it can’t be healthy not to go to bed for 24 hours and exist on a diet of trail mix and leftover pizza. I miss him. When he finally comes home I want to play with his feet, although I’m sure he’ll kill me for saying this. To amuse myself in the meantime I’m watching movies and thinking about things I can eat.
Holy crap. It’s 6 p.m. on Sunday and I’m bored to death. Sam has been downtown at work since before breakfast (he left when I was still asleep) and probably won’t be home until sun-up on Monday. I have no idea how he does this, but I know it can’t be healthy not to go to bed for 24 hours and exist on a diet of trail mix and leftover pizza. I miss him. When he finally comes home I want to play with his feet, although I’m sure he’ll kill me for saying this. To amuse myself in the meantime I’m watching movies and thinking about things I can eat.
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Yes, dear friends, there are pound cake emergencies.
In this post: DVD disaster, sunken cakes, Real Housewives.
There’s some aggravating crap going on today at Howdygram headquarters so grab yourself a braunschweiger sandwich and get comfortable.
AGGRAVATING CRAP #1. It was my big Sunday afternoon plan to watch a Hildegarde Withers murdery mystery triple-feature — The Penguin Pool Murder, Murder on the Blackboard and Murder on a Honeymoon starring Edna May Oliver and James Gleason — all from the big Hildegarde Withers movie collection I ordered last week from Amazon (see post). Sadly, about 30 minutes into the first movie on disc one THE DVD HAD A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN. The error message said “unreadable” so I had to eject the disc. (Incidentally, the swell and helpful customer service people at Amazon are replacing my DVD collection and I’ve already got my free UPS return label. I love these guys. You should be shopping there.)
There’s some aggravating crap going on today at Howdygram headquarters so grab yourself a braunschweiger sandwich and get comfortable.
AGGRAVATING CRAP #1. It was my big Sunday afternoon plan to watch a Hildegarde Withers murdery mystery triple-feature — The Penguin Pool Murder, Murder on the Blackboard and Murder on a Honeymoon starring Edna May Oliver and James Gleason — all from the big Hildegarde Withers movie collection I ordered last week from Amazon (see post). Sadly, about 30 minutes into the first movie on disc one THE DVD HAD A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN. The error message said “unreadable” so I had to eject the disc. (Incidentally, the swell and helpful customer service people at Amazon are replacing my DVD collection and I’ve already got my free UPS return label. I love these guys. You should be shopping there.)
Sunday, September 22, 2013
I don’t mind eating cake with a soup spoon.
In this post: Edible baking disasters, Emmys, Real Housewives.
Now that I’ve successfully dodged the FBI (see previous post) it’s time to get y’all up-to-date with the rest of my Sunday activities, all conveniently listed for you below.
Now that I’ve successfully dodged the FBI (see previous post) it’s time to get y’all up-to-date with the rest of my Sunday activities, all conveniently listed for you below.
The road to redemption.
In this post: Irrational panic at Howdygram headquarters.
It’s 10:45 Sunday morning and I am compelled to report that I had a wild yet strangely crappy night. It began around 2 a.m. when I wound up with a freaky, spammy web page on my Mac bearing the FBI’s logo and announcing “we have seized your browser and your browsing history” — seriously, I couldn’t close the window or quit Firefox! — with “enough proof to convict” that I’d been dowloading music illegally and/or accessing child porn.
It’s 10:45 Sunday morning and I am compelled to report that I had a wild yet strangely crappy night. It began around 2 a.m. when I wound up with a freaky, spammy web page on my Mac bearing the FBI’s logo and announcing “we have seized your browser and your browsing history” — seriously, I couldn’t close the window or quit Firefox! — with “enough proof to convict” that I’d been dowloading music illegally and/or accessing child porn.
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