Celebrating coconut cream pie, freebies and a birthday.

This was a wonderful and exceptionally surprising day. After a lazy morning we decided on dim sum at Hong Kong Royal for a late lunch, but halfway to the restaurant Sam noticed a “traffic alert” sign on the LBJ Freeway about a ginormous backup near our exit so he merged onto the 75 north and took me to the Choctaw Casino instead. Choctaw Casino! Two Saturdays in a row!

But the exceptional surprises continued.

For instance: 1) I had enough points on my Player’s Club card today to pay for two free buffet lunches, where I enjoyed excellent hot and sour soup, a couple of nice tamales with even nicer guacamole and a little wad of mashed potatoes, among other things; 2) today’s featured sugar-free pie was coconut cream; 3) our waitress’ name was Janice; and 4) Sam and I both won some dough at the penny slots, then we peed and drove home. Life just doesn’t get much better than this. At the moment Sam is asleep in the family room watching a Jerry Lewis movie.

For your possible interest, our lucky slot machine today was “Cash Wizard,” with lots of free spins, bonus rounds and nice payouts. Sam does a happy dance when he wins. I like to watch.

And now for something completely different.

Sam’s brother David, pictured here with a car driving into the side of his head, is celebrating his birthday on December 18. Even if you don’t know him I think you should should buy a cake and sing something. “Happy Birthday” is our standard recommendation but selections by Bing Crosby, Lady Gaga or Herman’s Hermits would be fine, too. Mazel tov, David!

A whole bunch of Tuesday night news.

First of all, here’s a heartfelt Texas-sized message for Sam’s younger brother, David, who’s laid up in Simi Valley Hospital with double pneumonia, cute nurses and — horrors! — no Howdygram. We send our very best wishes for your speedy recovery.

Incidentally, David, if you’re still not 100% by the time you visit us in October I’ll warm up a pot of our most popular local delicacy, Armadillo Noodle Soup, which is a guaranteed cure for — among other things — saddle sores, pinkeye and toenail fungus. You’ll love it.

Sam is working late tonight. He worked late last night, too. Even though I miss his adorable smiling face, this actually gives me a little extra time to finish projects around the house, which is a nice bonus because the thermostat is set to 80° (it’s 110° outside) and life definitely slows down when the weather’s this hot. To wrap up a productive day I plan to multitask in the family room at 10 p.m., which will involve: 1) eating frozen pineapple; 2) folding socks; and 3) watching “Hardcore Pawn.” But not necessarily in that order.

I don’t know about YOU, but I’m really sick of the United States government. Too bad Texas isn’t a separate country. (Wait. Actually, I think it IS.) Thank you for reading this.

Two huge things.

By now everybody probably knows that I do a LOT of shopping online. This is mostly because I can always find whatever I want for less money than the local retail stores PLUS there’s no shipping or sales tax, you never have to look for parking and your order is delivered to your doorstep. Recent purchases have included: 1) small kitchen appliances and bedding from Overstock; 2) inkjet cartridges from Epson; 3) room fragrances and plug-in scented oils from Yankee Candle; 4) cookware, DVDs, books, office supplies and household products from Amazon; and 5) practically everything else from Wal-Mart.

So here’s my first “huge thing.” I reordered my diabetic testing supplies a couple of days ago from the local pharmacy and sent Sam to pick them up this morning with my discount card. For those of you who may not be aware, diabetic supplies are so outrageously expensive that most people can’t even afford the insurance co-payment without signing up for a manufacturer’s discount program. In my case, the standard co-pay for a 60-day supply of teeny little disposable test strips costs ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS — minus 30% if you have a discount card. Apparently my card had expired, however, so Sam came home empty-handed to find out what I wanted to do.

This turned out to be a very brilliant move on Sam’s part, because while he was gone I DISCOVERED THAT I CAN BUY MY DIABETIC SUPPLIES FROM AMAZON DIRT CHEAP — AND WITHOUT A PRESCRIPTION. A few minutes ago I paid $45.65 for a 60-day supply of the same teeny little test strips, and I’m so excited I can hardly stand it. There were dozens of online product reviews practically kissing Amazon’s feet for making these products available at such a huge discount.

I wonder if a website can have feet.

As for my second “huge thing,” we just found out that Sam’s brother David is coming for a week-long visit in October. I have labeled David for you in the photo that appears below.

David’s visit is REALLY BIG NEWS because we never get any houseguests here except for my mother-in-law. As a result we’re definitely planning all kinds of adventures and authentic Texas excursions, including the Fort Worth stockyards, the Mesquite Rodeo, a tour of Cowboys Stadium, the Texas State Fair, lots of down-home restaurants and a chance to enjoy our brand new patio, which is being remodeled in September with fancy-shmancy stamped concrete and a custom-built cedar arbor. Stay tuned for updates and thank you, as always, for reading this.