A whole bunch of Tuesday night news.

First of all, here’s a heartfelt Texas-sized message for Sam’s younger brother, David, who’s laid up in Simi Valley Hospital with double pneumonia, cute nurses and — horrors! — no Howdygram. We send our very best wishes for your speedy recovery.

Incidentally, David, if you’re still not 100% by the time you visit us in October I’ll warm up a pot of our most popular local delicacy, Armadillo Noodle Soup, which is a guaranteed cure for — among other things — saddle sores, pinkeye and toenail fungus. You’ll love it.

Sam is working late tonight. He worked late last night, too. Even though I miss his adorable smiling face, this actually gives me a little extra time to finish projects around the house, which is a nice bonus because the thermostat is set to 80° (it’s 110° outside) and life definitely slows down when the weather’s this hot. To wrap up a productive day I plan to multitask in the family room at 10 p.m., which will involve: 1) eating frozen pineapple; 2) folding socks; and 3) watching “Hardcore Pawn.” But not necessarily in that order.

I don’t know about YOU, but I’m really sick of the United States government. Too bad Texas isn’t a separate country. (Wait. Actually, I think it IS.) Thank you for reading this.