Assorted topics on Sunday morning.

Hi. Sam is outside drinking coffee on the patio so I’ve decided to write a quick post on a variety of mundane subjects, none of which is important enough to warrant a post of its own. But that’s just MY opinion.

First, Sam and I drove north to Treeland yesterday to check out the Vitex bush we wanted for our back yard. After taking a closer look and talking to the owner of the nursery we decided against it because the Vitex is a basically a gigantic lilac-scented magnet for BEES, and nobody wants to sit on their own patio being divebombed. So we’re back to square one trying to figure out what to plant.

However, on the way to Treeland we passed a huge mansion facing highway 289 on the outskirts of Prosper, Texas ... which is basically a teeny little town in the middle of nowhere about 30 miles north of Dallas. At first we thought it was a resort but since we didn’t see any signs Sam asked the owner of the nursery if he knew anything about the house. Turns out, it’s owned by Deion Sanders, the sports icon who played for four major league baseball teams and for the NFL, including the Dallas Cowboys.

The house is 40,000 square feet — FORTY THOUSAND SQUARE FEET — with nine bedrooms, 14 bathrooms, a master suite the size of South Dakota with a two-story closet, a home theater, a gym, indoor and outdoor pools, a full-sized basketball court, a bowling alley, a game room and an eight-car garage. Too bad this bozo built it in the middle of a cow pasture that’s visible to the public on all four sides. Maybe he should have economized a little so he could afford to plant a few trees along the fence for a shred of PRIVACY. I’m just saying.

And now I want to recommend some of my favorite TV shows, especially since the second season of “Real Housewives of New Jersey” just wrapped up and I have to fill my time with something else. For the record, I really enjoy “Operation Repo,” which follows the adventures of five truly enormous Hispanic relatives in Los Angeles who repossess cars, vans and SUVs. I especially love it when they drop in at snooty restaurants in Beverly Hills to repo a Lexus or a Porsche from a rich person who’s having a screaming fit in the parking lot. This is television at its best.

Another favorite is “Hardcore Pawn,” a chronicle of nonstop excitement at the biggest pawn shop in Detroit. How could this not be a cool show? The store is owned by a hard-as-nails Jewish family (oy) with a fun-loving dad and a crabby adult daughter who argues with EVERYBODY. You can find “Operation Repo” and “Hardcore Pawn” on TruTV. Thank you.

Why there's still a housing crisis in America.

According to an AP news article I read this morning, July home sales in the United States plunged 27% ... the largest monthly drop since 1968 when the National Association of Realtors began keeping records. Although sales have weakened steadily since the Federal tax credit expired on April 30, the key reason why home sales are suffering is that most sellers are reluctant to lower their prices and buyers are holding back because they think home prices haven’t bottomed out.

I know this is true in the Los Angeles area because I did a little online real estate research a few minutes ago and came across a typical, ridiculously overpriced southern California listing ... which is exactly why Sam and I bailed out three years ago and moved to Texas! This 55-year-old house in Torrance is listed for $698,000. It’s got 1,105 square feet of space with three teeny crackerbox bedrooms and a one-car detached garage, a “newer” stove (probably from the Nixon era) and carpets that were cleaned back in 2008. No kidding, the walk-in closet in my master bedroom is bigger than this.

To help you compare the value, here’s a home in suburban Dallas (actually, Sunnyvale) less than a mile from where Sam and I live. It’s three years old, lists for $655,000 ($43,000 less than the house in Torrance), and has 5,785 square feet of space on two acres of land with five bedrooms, five bathrooms, a media room, three fireplaces, a five-car garage, a guest house and a built-in pool, spa, cabanas and outdoor kitchen.

Out of curiosity ... how would YOU rather spend your money?

I should probably add that Sam and I did NOT buy a 5,785 square foot home when we moved to Texas, and we also didn’t spend $655,000 or anything remotely close to that. We didn’t have to, because normal-size houses (even brand new) are amazingly affordable, especially after you relocate from a city like Los Angeles. And I should also tell you that Texas has NO STATE INCOME TAX, just in case you need another incentive to start packing your dishes.

And now I’m waiting for thunderstorms to materialize. The sky is getting darker, the clouds look a little “iffy,” and Weather.com says we’ve got a 60% chance of storms through 10 p.m. tonight. After receiving no measurable precipitation in Mesquite since the first week of August we’re definitely ready for RAIN around here. As a matter of fact, I’m even doing my world-famous Tuesday afternoon rain dance, which involves a Clif bar, some raisins, watching a Spencer Tracy movie and ordering Chinese food for dinner. (Okay, none of this has anything to do with rain. I lied.)

Y’all have a nice day. Thank you.