Happy Thanksgiving and other nice gestures.

Yo, y’all. Here’s a great big Howdygram wish for a Happy Thanksgiving from our house to yours! Although we assume you’re not running around in the woods somewhere murdering your own wildlife, we hope tomorrow will be a swell holiday that includes a preponderance of perfect poultry, a green bean casserole with greasy little French-fried onions on top and plenty of really nice people to help you clean up afterwards. The cleaning-up part is extremely important.

Once again this year Sam and I ordered a take-home feast from Boston Market, which we’ll pick up tomorrow at 1:00. PLEASE DO NOT MAKE FUN OF US. Boston Market’s food is fine, there’s always enough for three days of leftovers, and we can wear bathrobes and eat in front of the TV. This sounds like a perfect Thanksgiving, if you ask me. For dessert I’ll bake a couple of sugar-free pumpkin pies. We can also eat raisins if we want to, or maybe yogurt. Sam likes raisins and yogurt.

Are you planning a Black Friday shopping spree? I’M NOT ... but that’s because I don’t have to buy Christmas presents for anybody. Even if I did, though, I’d probably shop online because there’s no way I want to be anywhere near a retail store between now and the end of the year. Crowds make me nuts, there’s never any good parking and I’m really getting sick of Santa Claus. (Holy crap. I’ve turned into my mother.)

Thank you for reading this.