Three Fairfax County Einsteins invent “gallon smashing.”

Saturdays are usually wonderful at Howdygram headquarters because we always go places and eat things. Today, however, has been just plain WEIRD. The weirdness started around 6:15 this morning when Sam woke me up to tell me it’s thundering, after which I muttered a heartfelt thankyou and we went back to sleep until 11 a.m. THAT’S NOT A TYPO. We slept until 11. Both of us!

Following a forgettable lunch at noon (I think I had two leftover biscuits and a Slim Jim) we immediately laid down in the family room and — go on, guess! — took an afternoon nap. Mine only lasted about an hour but Sam is still unconscious ... and it’s almost time for dinner! Frankly, I’m a little worried. Either he isn’t feeling well or he has some great drugs he hasn’t told me about.

Need more weirdness? Check out this video of a new fad conceived by a trio of deranged prep school Einsteins in snooty Fairfax County, Virginia. It’s called “gallon smashing,” and they got away with this terrifying horseshit at seven major supermarkets until local authorities finally caught up with them. The Einsteins considered it a “prank” but police completely disagreed and charged them with multiple counts of destruction of property and disorderly conduct. Take a look.



The useless brats in this video are a pair of teenage brothers and their cousin who used cell phones to film each other destroying gallon jugs of milk and orange juice, frightening customers and employees, and frequently pretending to be seriously injured. WTF? I can’t begin to describe how thankful I am that I never had children. Seriously.

I need Mongolian chicken and I need it NOW. Pass the soy sauce.