Famous Sams from history and other important issues.

It’s Tuesday afternoon and I thought I’d spend a few minutes updating y’all on the latest developments in Rod Blagojevich’s sentencing hearing. I’m actually following the fun on Twitter, where representatives from Fox, ABC, CBS, the Better Government Association, the Chicago Tribune, the Chicago Sun-Times, Chicago Magazine, the Huffington Post, Statehouse Magazine and a variety of other news outlets are tweeting minute-by-minute courtroom events. So far the only things I know for sure are: 1) Judge Zagel isn’t buying into any of the defense attorneys’ crap; 2) most reporters think Blago will get 17 years; 3) Mrs. Blago blows her nose a lot; and 4) everybody got back from lunch at 1:30.

In other news, it was way too cold to venture out for a haircut today so I’ve decided to eat leftover Chinese food and address a few holiday cards, with specific emphasis on the word “few.” You may recall that last year Sam and I mailed dozens of holiday cards but received only three ... and one was from our dentist decorated with unnaturally happy molars. Bottom line ... I don’t care if the world turns into a herd of Ebenezers but I’d appreciate a little advance notice so I won’t waste my money on an extra sheet of stamps. Thank you.

UPS just delivered my new roasting pan. This is so exciting I want to take a picture of it, so don’t go away!

And now, for those of you who think this blog tends to be just a bunch of pointless but brilliantly-written fluff, I’m pleased to provide the following web-based course of study from our very own Howdygram University.

• Sam “Momo” Giancana (1908–1975) was a Sicilian-American mobster who ran the Chicago Outfit from 1957 to 1966. Also known as “Mooney” and “Sam the Cigar.”  
• Sammy Davis, Jr. (1925–1990) was a teeny American dancer and singer also known for his impersonations of other celebrities. Davis started in vaudeville at three years old and went on to become a world-famous recording artist and a member of Frank Sinatra’s “Rat Pack.” He married several white women.
• Samuel Adams (1722–1803) was Governor of Massachusetts, a delegate to the Continental Congress, organized the Boston Tea Party and signed the Declaration of Independence. He’s considered a Founding Father of the United States and was also a cousin to President John Adams. I don’t believe this over-achiever ever brewed beer.
• Samuel Houston (1793–1863) was a U.S. lawyer and politician who led the struggle of U.S. emigrants in Mexican territory to win control of Texas and make it part of the United States. The city of Austin was named for him. (Just kidding.)
• Samuel Goldwyn (1879–1974), birth name Shmuyel Goldfish, was a pioneer in American filmmaking and one of Hollywood’s most prominent producers for more than 30 years.  
• Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835–1910), better-known by his pen name Mark Twain, was an American author and humorist. He is most noted for growing a screwy mustache but still found time to write “The Adventures of Tom Sawyer” (1876) and “The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn” (1885).
• Samuel Johnson (1709–1784) was an English editor, journalist and poet with truly stupid hair who produced the groundbreaking Dictionary of the English Language in 1755.  
• Samuel Marks (born 1959) is an extremely tall financial printer of the highest caliber. He has green eyes, loves ice cream sandwiches, baby carrots and raisins and serves as the Howdygram’s official mascot.
• Son of Sam (born 1953) is an American serial killer and arsonist named David Berkowitz who claimed he was commanded to kill people by a demon that possessed his neighbor’s dog. He has been in prison since 1977, which is a damn good place for him.

Thanks for stopping by. Y’all come back now, okay?

Keeping busy for Memorial Day weekend.

I suppose I should start by announcing that Sam is in the San Fernando Valley for the next 10 days visiting his mom and siblings, so I’m totally on my own here. It’s definitely quiet around the house when Sam’s away. I never realize how noisy he is until he’s gone.

The scope of my plans for Memorial Day weekend won’t extend too much beyond my neighborhood here in Mesquite. But next week I’m definitely up for a trip to Central Market in Dallas. Central Market is food nirvana. If you’re from southern California, it’s like a combination of Whole Foods, Bristol Farms and Gelson’s ... only more so. They’ve got the most amazing meat, deli and exotic produce on the planet, plus a bazillion kinds of cheese, a display of olives half a block long and a bakery department the size of my house with home-made marble rye TO DIE FOR. (Sam and I actually try to stay away from Central Market because we never get out of there for under $100 ... even when we don’t need anything.)

In the meantime, to keep myself occupied with extracurricular projects I’m getting an early jump on this year’s Christmas cards. I’ve already designed them (including Hanukkah), had them professionally printed, created custom return address labels to match, and this afternoon I even addressed all the envelopes! I’m so impressed with myself that I think I’ll insert a shameless plug here for my graphic design business, Ovation Creative, just in case you didn’t know that I actually do something productive besides laundry and writing the Howdygram.

So ... shalom to everybody, have a safe and fun Memorial Day weekend, and send me an email or post a comment when you have a minute!

Hey. Whatever happened to Christmas cards?

I’m trying to figure out if I missed the memo. When did everybody turn into a collective pile of scrooges and stop sending Christmas cards? I mailed ours two weeks ago: one to each of my business clients and about a dozen cards to friends. However, I’m sorry to report that as of today — the 21st of December — Sam and I have only received three. THREE. That’s not even enough to decorate the mantle of our fireplace! I totally understand “cutting back” during a recession, but I didn’t even get this year’s stupid molar in a Santa hat card from my dentist. Happy holidays to all of you Ebenezers from Sam and me.