Where the hell are my mozzarella sticks.

It’s Wednesday. As I write this post I’m waiting for my Schwan’s delivery so I can eat mozzarella sticks for lunch. Sam is on a VIP tour of Cowboys Stadium.

David was supposed to take the tour, too, except he flew back to Los Angeles last night. Sam called just before the tour started at 11 to let me know he was able to sell David’s ticket in the parking lot. This is great news even though I know how much he wanted David to be there. Cowboys Stadium is a brand new billion-dollar facility that looks like the mother ship from Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Online reviews give the VIP tour five stars because they let you visit a luxury suite, check out the locker rooms and run around on the field.

Here’s something exciting. In addition to all the usual suspects in the United States — including a frequent addict from Herndon, Virginia — the Howdygram is pleased to report visitors today from the following exotic locations: Singapore, Spain, Indonesia, Malaysia, Japan, Croatia, South Africa and NASA Headquarters in Huntsville, Alabama.

The Howdygram is officially a global phenomenon. Holy crapola, maybe somebody should do a reality TV show about us! They could model it after Gordon Ramsay’s hit series and call it “Typing Nightmares.” Just a thought.

Thank you so much for reading this. Tell your friends.

FYI regarding my last post.

Just in case you were wondering (and even if you weren’t) where I found that photo of Cowboys Stadium with the comic book captions about alien space invaders, please note ... I added the captions all by myself with a new font I bought a couple of days ago. There’s a cool website called Comicbookfonts.com that holds an annual font sale on New Year’s Day. I bought two.

And while I’m on the subject of Cowboys Stadium, about 45 minutes from now Sam and I will be enjoying the Cowboys vs. Eagles game on TV. Football in our house is a luxurious experience. I’m talking about a 60-INCH HIGH-DEF TV with a BOSE SOUND SYSTEM, CHICKEN TAMALES, COKE ZERO and a BLANKET! I know this is pretty short notice, but if you want to come watch the game send me a quick email and I’ll try to find room on the sofa. First come, first served.

Strange new spacecraft swallows North Texas.

It’s pretty hard to tell if this frightening monstrosity is an after-dark rendering of the new Cowboys Stadium or a spacecraft from another world.

I’ll bet it’s the latter, because yesterday it was packed with aliens from OSU and Ole Miss using it for the 2010 Cotton Bowl game. There was no logical reason for this, since we already have a nice stadium on the other side of town much better suited for the Cotton Bowl because it actually IS the Cotton Bowl. My guess is, Cowboys owner Jerry Jones needed an extra opportunity to overcharge 77,500 people for hotdogs and parking so he enticed the advertisers. Unfortunately, both teams were pretty lousy. Thank y’all and happy new year.