Friday, February 28, 2014

You can listen to CDs, not wear a brassiere and eat TicTacs at the same time!

In this post: Hypoglycemia, Election Day, fashion disasters.

You probably haven’t noticed but I look lousy right now. I’ve had a couple of major hypoglycemic episodes today and I’m so damn tired I could probably sleep for a decade. It’s a tempting thought. (I might have to tweeze my eyebrows first.)

SAM AND I VOTED THIS MORNING! We were surprised by the amount of foot traffic at our polling place and never realized how many Mesquiters come out to vote in the primaries. The ballot was absolutely enormous and included a number of important races — governor, lieutenant governor and senator — in addition to several thousand judges, commissioners, associate commissioners, assistant commissioners, secretaries to assistant commissioners, mail room supervisors, valet parking attendants and a flurry of initiatives asking for public support, such as raising the minimum wage, marriage equality, Medicaid expansion and so on. Fortunately, I get to vote from the front seat of my car due to mobility problems. It’s fun! You just park in a handicapped spot, an eager election official drops a 50-pound touch-screen portable voting booth on your lap and then politely stands off to the side while you cast your ballot. You can even listen to CDs, not wear a brassiere and eat TicTacs at the same time! (This actually happened.)

Incidentally, Sam and I had to use the standard Howdygram Qualification Method today to choose unfamiliar candidates for all those statewide races: JEWISH PEOPLE and WOMEN.

Here’s a breaking news story from our Never-Ending Mentally Ill Weather in Texas department. It was sunny, breezy and 80° here today ... the most perfect weather EVER. The high Saturday (tomorrow) will be 79° and then 65° on Sunday. Unfortunately, the lying sacks of poo at tell us to expect thunderstorms on Sunday followed by a cold front that will drop the temperature to 20° by dinner-time ... WITH AN ICE STORM. Holy crap. What the hell?

And finally, here’s a collection of overpriced embarrassments from the runways of Paris Fashion Week for your possible interest and amusement. Our favorite looks include: 1) the white fur cape and matching butt plug hat; 2) an exploding sheet metal party dress; 3) a leather Victorian-era garbageman’s uniform; 4) your grandmother’s favorite crocheted poncho; 5) the dystopian zombie wedding dress; and 6) knitwear for Siamese twins.
Thank you for reading this.

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